Joke I found funny...

[CitroJim]

Nice one James That would be my son/grandson if I had one My daughters and granddaughters are far more subtle...

[Hell Razor5543]

Some of you may have noticed I have been 'quiet' on the forum. This is because I was in hospital. Before I was admitted I was at the local pub, and there was a group of large women chatting (and they had Celtic accents). As I walked past the group I said "Hello, ladies. Are you from Scotland?", to which one of them retorted "Wales!". I responded "Hello whales. Are you from Scotland?".

The ICU doctor informed me this morning (when I came to) that I had been in a coma for 37 days.

[Peter.N.]

Yes I wonder how they responded to that. That was funny but being in a coma in a come wasn't! How are you doing now?

Peter

[Huskyxantia]

Hope your fighting fit James, my wife was in hospital for large part of this year , and im hearing similar regarding other people I know , its very concerning. Keep well and stay in touch with us all and I still can't thank you enough for sorting the little 206cc when I had that done, needed the dpf resetting.. we met at Cobham services .

[Hell Razor5543]

Erm, that was a JOKE, Guys! The hint was that it is in the JOKE thread!

[CitroJim]

You had me a bit worried for a moment here James...

[Stickyfinger]

Delivery incoming for some...........

Erm, that was a JOKE, Guys! The hint was that it is in the JOKE thread!

[Hell Razor5543]

Many years ago (in the Soviet Union) it would take ten years for your new car to be delivered once you had paid for it. A young man walks into the dealership, pays for his car, and asks when he can collect it. "Ten years from today", replies the salesman. "OK", says the young man, and starts walking towards the exit. He stops for a moment, ponders, and then goes back to the salesman. "Morning or afternoon?" he asks. "What difference does it make?", replies the salesman.

Spoiler: show

"Well, the plumber is coming in the morning" replies the young man.

[CitroJim]

Good one James

[Huskyxantia]

Erm, that was a JOKE, Guys! The hint was that it is in the JOKE thread!

Got me worried there

[Hell Razor5543]

I am placing the following post here, because I don't know where else to place it. I have just read a load of amusing book dedications on Instagram (the one the author puts at the beginning of the book). Here are a few;

-----

To my Mother, Belzie. I would have made a terrible doctor, Mum. People would have died.

To Elsa, Anna and Olaf. For keeping my children quiet while I wrote this.

Dedicated to everyone who wonders if I'm writing about them. I am.

I normally dedicate my books to Katherine, Jake and Julia. Not this time. For Julia, Jake and Katherine. Because Julia is tired of always being named last just because she's the youngest.

This book is dedicated to my Father, Joseph Hill Evans, with love. Actually Dad doesn't read fiction, so if someone doesn't tell him about this, he'll never know.

Before I thank any one person I would like to thank the leftover pizza I'm currently eating. It's really good.

Dear Reader, if you're going to throw me, please aim for something soft. - The Book.

[CitroJim]

The last one James - that's properly funny

[Huskyxantia]

Made this with ai giving it random words and phrases.

Paddy and Mick spot a man stuck up a tall oak tree, yelling for help.
​Paddy looks up, gasps, and says, "Mick, look at him! He’s only got one arm and one leg!"
​Mick immediately unbuckles his belt, ties it to a heavy rope, and tosses it up to the tree.
​"Catch this, fella!" Mick shouts. "Now wrap it around your waist, tie a double-knot with both hands, and jump down—we'll catch ya!"
​The man in the tree screams back, "I can't tie a knot, I've only got one arm! And I can't jump, I've only got one leg!"
​Paddy scratches his head, turns to Mick, and says, "Jeez, Mick... some people just don't want to be saved."

[Huskyxantia]

A shy bride and her groom were sitting on the bed on their wedding night. The bride was so nervous her legs were literally shivering, while the groom was practically bursting out of his trousers with a swollen knob, desperate to get stuck in.
​"Come on, darling," he begged. "I really want it!"
​"I don't know..." she whimpered, backing away. "I'm just not sure!"
​Frustrated, the groom tried to pull her dress up, only to find she was wearing the thickest, heaviest, most industrial pair of underwear he had ever seen in his life.
​He stared down in total disbelief and shouted, "Bloody hell! What are these?!"
​She looked up nervously and said, "My mother told me to wear concrete knickers just in case!"
​The groom sighed, rubbed his aching lap, and said, "Well, can you at least give me the hammer and chisel? Because I'm getting hard just thinking about the demo job!"