Joke I found funny...

[mickthemaverick]

Every middle aged man's dream:

[momag46]

Just ordered, I WON’T BE REPORTING BACK.

[myglaren]

A few years ago, two Englishmen managed to get lost in the Sahara Desert. After three days, they were about to give up when they spotted a brightly coloured area on the horizon. Thinking it might be an oasis, they diverted slightly to get to it.

It wasn't an oasis, but a form of travelling market. The two Englishmen hoped that one of the stallholders would have some water, so they approached the first stand and asked for water. The vendor bowed to them and replied "I have no water, but by the grace of Allah I do have sponge cake, tins of sliced peaches, strawberry jelly, custard, and cream."

Rather crestfallen at this, they asked the second stallholder they saw. "I am sorry, but I have no water. By the grace of Allah I do however have sponge cake, fresh sliced peaches, orange jelly, custard, and cream."

Feeling really worried by now, they found a third vendor and asked if he had some water. "Like the previous persons you have asked I have no water, but like them, I have, by the grace of Allah, sponge cake, sliced peaches and pears, lime jelly, egg free custard, and cream if you would like to try them."

Feeling very depressed they tried the fourth salesman, who responded "It is most unfortunate that I have no water, but by the grace of Allah I have sponge cake, sliced peaches, mandarin slices, lemon jelly, custard, and cream for sale."

This went on for every stallholder they saw, a request for water would be met with small variations on "I have no water, but by the grace of Allah I have sponge cake, sliced fruit, some flavour of jelly, custard, and cream."

As they walked out of the far side of the market, the first Englishman turned to the second and said, "That was rather strange."

To which the second responded, "Yes, it was a trifle bazaar."

[Stickyfinger]

[momag46]

It does feel like that sometimes- or should that be ItDoesFeelLikeThatSometimes

[CitroJim]

That would be quite a good password Maurice

[MattBLancs]

Facebook algorithm presented me with this (I think it scored a match with my silly since of humour!)

[CitroJim]

I like that Matt Sometime the algorithm can give one a little chuckle and it's always worth a scroll through Facebook just to catch things like this

[myglaren]

T'was in the Garden of Eden and God was taking a walk in the cool of the evening when he came across Adam and Eve.

"How nice to see you both. I hope you are both enjoying yourselves; is everything all right."

"Oh yes everything is wonderful but one odd thing. We keep seeing this old guy who is always grumbling and shuffling about."

"Ah, That's Keith Richards. He was here before I arrived."

[myglaren]

[Paul-R]

[Hell Razor5543]

A 75 year old man and a 20 year old man are playing a round of golf. As they approach the 11th fairway they see it is a dogleg par 5, with a copse of tall pine trees at the apex. It is the young mans' turn to tee off first. As the young man gets his driver out the old man says "When I was your age I used to drive over those trees, and not round them". The young man adjusts his stance and tees off, only for his ball to get hung up in the trees. He tries again, with the same result. After the third unsuccessful attempt the old man clears his throat and says

Spoiler: show

"Mind you, when I was your age those tress were only about 10 feet tall!".

[myglaren]

[Vic Evans]

An old lady had a small shop in her village for years until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop.
They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said:
Butter – £2.50
In response, the old lady added a sign to her own window:
Butter – £2.40
The next day, the big supermarket had a new sign
Butter – £2.30
Sure enough, the day after the lady’s sign now read:
Butter – £2.20
This went on for a while until eventually one of the lady’s customers pointed to the sign and said,
“Madam, you cannot keep your prices so low for long. These big companies can use their buying power to sell products cheaper, but a little store like yours can never compete.”
In response, the old lady bent forward conspiratorially and muttered,

" I don’t sell butter.”