Joke I found funny...

[Paul-R]

That's riff on a short poem I learned quite a few years ago.

Her jokes were
Like her eyes
Blue as the sky
Only cornea.

[CitroJim]

^^ to both!

[Hell Razor5543]

Something I found on Instagram;

"Dear Professor Cox. What would happen if you filled the Large Hadron Collider with feta?". Dennis Cartilage, Ashford.

Brian says; "Well, I wouldn't recommend it, Dennis. I once left half a Peperami and a can of Lilt in there by accident, and their particles collided within the machine to create a grapefruit-flavoured sentient sausage measuring 26 miles in length. It took three months to destroy the hideous abomination, and you wouldn't believe the bollocking I got off the CERN president afterwards. So I imagine if you filled the LHC with feta, you'd probably generate a super-conscious block of sheep's cheese roughly the size of Wales.".

[CitroJim]

Yum As a person who loves all sorts of cheese I'm all in favour of this experiment...

[Gibbo2286]

2 Brummies fishing in the cut. 1 says "I think I've court a whale!" The other says "owjer know its a whale?" The 1st says "cuz it's still got the toyer on it."

[mickthemaverick]

Had to say that in the right accent before I twigged!!

[Stickyfinger]

In the 1960s a man goes into a confessional and says, "Father, forgive me, for I have sinned. During World War II, I hid a refugee in my attic."

The priest says, "But that’s not a sin, that’s a wonderful, brave thing to do!"

"But Father, I asked her to have sex with me every week in return for her hiding place”

"Well, that’s a bit greedy, but you were risking your life. I'm sure God will forgive you."

"Thanks, Father. That’s a huge weight off my mind. Just one more question..."
"Yes, my son?"

Spoiler: show

"Do I have to tell her the war is over?"

[Stickyfinger]

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gates and says, "You’ve been a good cat. You can have anything your heart desires."

The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I spent my whole life on the streets sleeping on cold concrete. I’d just like a big, fluffy pillow to sleep on." Poof! God gives him the softest pillow in the universe.

A few days later, six mice die and go to Heaven. God offers them the same deal. They say, "We’ve spent our whole lives being chased. We’d like some tiny roller skates so we can finally be the fastest things around." Poof! They all get tiny roller skates.

A week later, God checks in on the cat and asks, "How are you enjoying your pillow?"

The cat yawns, stretches, and says, "It’s fantastic, Lord. And I don’t know who sent them, but those '

Spoiler: show

Meals on Wheels' you provided were absolutely delicious

."

[PaulC5]

Not sure if this is a joke or not. PM Starmer has been in China this week to boost trade but I am not sure if we have gained anything, seems to be helping the Chinese sell more to us. In the news it has been reported Astra Zeneca will invest £10b in China, they recently got their mega embassy approved, we will be able to travel there for 30 days without a visa as other countries, a few MPs will no longer be sanctioned, some joint research will be set up, a Chinese electric car company will open a new headquarters in the UK, Starmer inspected their army, whiskey tariffs on sales to China to be reduced from 10 to 5%, might be more. However, the thing I find funny and might be all we will get back is they will open 7 shops in the UK selling Chinese Labubu dolls with funny teeth https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cgm4kyw482eo

[myglaren]

A WEALTHY Arab Sheikh visiting YORKSHIRE was suddenly taken to hospital after becoming seriously ill and he needed an emergency blood transfusion!

Unfortunately the sheikh had a very rare type of blood and the LGI didn't have any in stock

After some frantic calls, a Yorkshire farmer from up in the dales is located who has the same blood type and he agrees to make his way to Leeds to donate some blood.
The Sheikh recieives the blood and begins to get better. He tells his assistant that he should send the farmer many lavish gifts as a show of his appreciation.
A few days later the Yorkshireman answers the door to be greeted with a brand new tractor, £250,000 in cash, a pouch full of diamonds and a life time supply of Yorkshire tea



A couple of days later, the Sheikh begins to get ill again and the hospital have to phone the Yorkshireman, who was more than happy to donate some more blood

After receiving the blood the Sheikh gets better and once again tells his assistant to send the Yorkshireman some gifts as a show of his appreciation but this time when the Yorkshireman opens his door all he receives is a Thank you card and a £10 voucher for Toby Carvery!

The Yorkshireman was shocked that the Sheikh did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had before.
He phoned the Sheikh and asked him;

"What's this all abart? I thought tha would be generous again, a thought that tha would gimme some more money and diamonds .... but thas only given me a card and a chuffin 10 quid voucher ya tight get!"

The sheikh replied;
"Aye lad ya reyt, but av got Yorkshire blood in me veins nar!"

[Stickyfinger]

might be all we will get back is they will open 7 shops in the UK selling Chinese Labubu dolls with funny teeth https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cgm4kyw482eo

Just as shocking was he Bowed to their flag !.....there again a leading and life long member of the Fabian Society would wouldn't they....

So as to be in there good books I wil save them time....

更令人震惊的是，他竟然向他们的旗帜鞠躬！……费边社的资深成员竟然会做出这种事，不是吗

[Stickyfinger]

I asked my famous LA based barber to cut my hair just like he does with like Tom Cruise

Spoiler: show

He gave me a cushion to sit on.

Oh VERY FUNNY I said, so I asked him what sort of hair-cut would make me more attractive to women.

Spoiler: show

"A power cut" was not the answer I was hoping for.

A right bas''''d he is !

[Stickyfinger]

[MattBLancs]

Reminds me of a story I saw once of someone very confused as their trailer wheels appeared not to be fitted with any way of pumping the tyres up! No valves fitted!

Spoiler: show

wheels on backwards, valves hence pointing inwards!
Not usual for trailer wheels to be zero offset, the bolt/nut "seats" on the rim must fit absolutely terrible mind you!

[MattBLancs]

On the topic of spotting AI generated content:

Seen on Facebook