Joke I found funny...

[Hell Razor5543]

Just read this (originally on Instagram, but confirmed on the NASA website);

It happened in 1973 aboard the U.S. space station Skylab. Garriott wasn’t just a brilliant astronaut — he was a top-tier jokester. And what he pulled off with a tape recorder deserves a permanent spot in space folklore.

Before the flight, Garriott brought a tape recorder. His wife Helen recorded a few lines on it — part of a top-secret prank designed specifically for flight controller Robert Crippen at Mission Control.

One day, just before the daily check-in with Earth, when the controller asked, “Skylab, this is Houston. Do you read?” Garriott pressed play. A female voice from orbit answered, “Good afternoon, Houston. This is Skylab.”

Silence fell over the line. Then, from Mission Control, came a shaky voice:
“…Who is this?”
“Hi, Robert. This is Helen, Owen’s wife.”

A long pause. Then Crippen, clearly panicking, said:
“…What are YOU doing up there?!”
“Oh, I just thought I’d bring the guys something to eat. Everything’s fresh and homemade.”

Then — radio silence. Total chaos.

For a whole minute, Mission Control froze.

And then… the connection cut out. Most likely, Crippen’s nerves couldn’t handle it.

To this day, it remains one of the most legendary pranks in the history of space.

[Hell Razor5543]

Just read this on Instagram;

I asked my daughter for the phone directory. She laughed at me, called me a dinosaur, and handed me her iPhone. Now the spider is dead, the iPhone is smashed, and she is furious.

[Stickyfinger]

VIZ...........Some of the magazines are archived here...........so if you miss the Fat Slags or Buster Gonad...here you go

https://archive.org/details/viz-uk-049- ... er%201988/

[myglaren]

[Paul-R]

I recently had cryptosporidiosis and that was no joke!

[Karata]

Griz sees a woman sitting in her stalled car on the side of the road. He stops to ask if she needs any help.
The woman says, "Yes, my car has broken down and I don't know what's wrong with it."
Griz says, "Don't worry; I'll get you and your car to a mechanic in town. Have you ever been towed before?"
And the woman says, "No, but I've been fingered a couple of times."

[Gibbo2286]

A little girl was pulling a cow along a village road. An elderly man asked her ‘my dear, where are you taking the cow?’

Girl: ‘my father asked me to take this cow to the next village so that she can mate with the bull there and so that she can produce a young calf next year.’

Man: ‘Can’t your father do it?’

Girl: ‘Oh no Sir. It has to be the bull.’

[Steve Walsh]

A man is alone in an airport lounge. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.
He decides, because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty stewardess.
So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto :
'To Fly. To Serve'.
The woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto:
'Winning the hearts of the world'.
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto:
'Going beyond expectations'.
The woman looks at him sternly and says:
'What the f*** do you want?'
'Ah ha!' he says

Spoiler: show

"Ryanair".

[CitroJim]

A man is alone in an airport lounge. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.

Etc. etc...

Good one

[Steve Walsh]

One night, a man and a woman found themselves sitting side by side at a bar, tossing back a few beers. After some small talk, they discovered they had something in common—both were doctors.
An hour later, after a few laughs and maybe one beer too many, the man leaned in and said with a grin:
“So… what do you say we sleep together tonight? Just one night of fun—no strings attached.”
The woman thought about it for a second, then nodded.
“Alright. Why not?”
They headed back to her place. The man went straight into the bedroom while the woman disappeared into the bathroom.
Ten minutes passed… then fifteen. Curious, he peeked down the hall. She was at the sink, scrubbing her hands and arms furiously, just like she was prepping for surgery.
Finally, she came to bed, and they spent the next hour together.
When it was over, the man caught his breath and chuckled.
“You’re a surgeon, aren’t you?”
She raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah… how did you know?”
He grinned.
“By the way you scrubbed up beforehand.”
She smirked back.
“Fair enough. And you… you’re an anesthesiologist, right?”
He blinked in surprise.
“Yeah, I am. How did you know?”
She rolled over and said dryly:

Spoiler: show

“Because I didn’t feel a thing.”

[Hell Razor5543]

Many of the Worlds' top scientists are on the autism spectrum, so technically autism caused Tylenol/Paracetamol!

[CitroJim]

Many of the Worlds' top scientists are on the autism spectrum, so technically autism caused Tylenol/Paracetamol!

Good point well made James

[myglaren]

Tony Blair was the British PM a few years ago and was visiting a hospital in Edinburgh.

The Hospital Director introduces him to a patient, so Blair puts on a winning smile and turns to face the photographers. The patient fixes him with a glaring eye and says “it was a brau, bricht, moonlicht nicht”.

Blair’s smile slips a bit, but he composes himself and moves to the next bed, where the occupant asks him “wee sleekit, cowering’ tim’rous beastie, oh what panic’s in thy breastie?”.

Now Blair is starting to wonder if he’s been set up.

He moves to the next bed.

“If auld acquaintance be forgot”.

That’s it. Blair turns to the Hospital Director and says “Is this the lunatic ward?”

The Director says

Spoiler: show

“Sir, I will have you know that this is the serious Burns unit”

.

[momag46]

I like it

[Gibbo2286]

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal*Mart when they collide:

The first old guy says to the second guy. "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The second old guy says. "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The first says. "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The second old guy says. "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big busted and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?"

The first old guy says. "Doesn't matter, let's look for yours."