Joke I found funny...

[MattBLancs]

Is that 'Fascinating Aida' ???

No it's the lady from the TV show that Henry "I made the BBC" Sellers was presenting.

"I'll give you a clue, you live there"

Spoiler: show

Father Ted

[Rp0thejester]

I thought she was going to say E

[Gibbo2286]

Two elderly British ladies meet at the end of summer and the one is asked what she has been up to.
“Oh, my husband took me to France”
“That’s nice” said the other one.
“ Then he took me to Monte Carlo” said the first one.
“That’s nice” said the other one.
“Then he took me to Spain” said the first one.
“That’s nice” said the second one.
“ So what did your husband do for you this summer?” asked the first one.

“He sent me to elocution classes” said the second one.

“Elocution classes? What’s that”? asked the first.

“That is where I learned to say ‘that's nice’ instead of ‘aw (-expletive removed-) you’!

[momag46]

Mary had a little skirt
It had a split up the side
Everywhere Mary went
The boys could see her thighs
She also had a little skirt
With a split up the front
She didn’t wear that one

[myglaren]

[MattBLancs]

Mary had a little skirt
It had a split up the side
Everywhere Mary went
The boys could see her thighs
She also had a little skirt
With a split up the front
She didn’t wear that one

Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon,
A thousand volts went up its bum,
An' turned it's wool to nylon

(Courtesy of my dad)

[Hell Razor5543]

Mary had a little lamb,
You've heard this tale before,
But did you know she passed her plate,
And had a little more?

[mickthemaverick]

Mary had a little lamb.
The midwife was surprised!

[momag46]

Enough Mary’s, wish I’d never started it

[myglaren]

I had another one but can't find where I had saved it to.

[myglaren]

[Huskyxantia]

Some sad news ....

The guy who invented email just died. Ironically, the food at the wake consisted of three week-old spam and drunken regret.

[mickthemaverick]

An elderly man living alone in Leeds wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Paul, who used to help him, was in Wakefield Prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Paul,

I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.

Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.

Love,

Paul.

At 4 a.m. the next morning, CID officers and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.

[Stickyfinger]

I found a dog shut in a car in the heat at Tesco's today, but I managed to get it out through the sun woof.

[MattBLancs]

I thought the various folks with quite excellent electrical knowledge would enjoy a quick summary of this new power generation technology



(I think the video just possibly was released towards the very beginning of April....)