Joke I found funny...

[myglaren]

#169,470
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny............
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[myglaren]

In fairness, that’s not just women. Got a bloke out to fix my aircon and he asked me if I left a window open when it was on.
Of course not says I, whereupon he informs me that I should as aircons suck all the oxygen out of the room!

He was invited to leave my property forthwith!

I once convinced a qualified electrician that lightbulbs didn't emit light, instead they sucked in all the dark.

I said it was obvious, when they're done they're all full of black inside.

[Hell Razor5543]

A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a bar. The barman asks the priest what he wants to drink. "A glass of red wine", replies the priest. Then the barman asks the minister what he wants to drink. "A glass of whisky", replies the minister. Finally the barman asks the rabbit "What are you having to drink?". "I don't know", replies the rabbit, "I'm only here because of Autocorrect!".

[Hell Razor5543]

I have just found out that the Star Wars Character Yoda actually has a surname.

Spoiler: show

It is "Layheehoo".

[Karata]

Whoever put the letter "S" in fast food is a marketing genius.

[myglaren]

[Karata]

I was checking out at the busy super market, and the cashier was having problems. The register ran out of paper, the scanner malfunctioned, and finally the cashier spilled a handful of coins. When she totaled my order, it came to exactly $22.
Trying to soothe her nerves, I said, "That's a nice round figure."
Still frazzled, she glared at me and said, "You're no bean pole yourself."

[myglaren]