Joke I found funny...

[momag46]

One of the best

[myglaren]

An 84-year-old man is having a drink in Harpoon Harry's.

Suddenly a gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away.

The girl is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her.

After a short while, the girl notices him staring, and approaches him.

Before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone: "I'll do anything you'd like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn't matter how extreme or unusual it is, I'm game. I want $100, and there's another condition."'

Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what her condition is.

"You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The man takes a moment to consider the offer from the beautiful woman.

He whips out his wallet and puts $100 dollars into her hand...

He then looks her square in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly:

Spoiler: show

"Paint my house."

[Michel]

What's the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to your computer and accesses all your data, and the other is an IT industry connection standard.

[Stickyfinger]

Just saw quick trailer for a new film based on an inferno at a French car factory, not absolutely certain who's starring in it but I did spot
Burnt Renaults.

[CitroJim]

That's shocking Alasdair!!!

Almost as bad as the one about the heat of a fire at a campsite being intense (in-tents)...

[Stickyfinger]

There is a new report out today saying that 25% of Citroen owners are receiving medical treatment for mental health issues.

That is quite scary because it means that 75% of them walking around are untreated

[mickthemaverick]

Neil's fishing tale in the Trivia thread which you can find at this link:
viewtopic.php?t=66598

reminded me of the story of the two old tramps having a quiet half in the pub one afternoon when a chap walked in carrying a huge trout. He went to the bar and asked for the landlord and after some discussion the old chaps, Mick and Pat, saw the fish change hands in exchange for two crisp £20 notes!!
Mick turned to Pat and asked "Did you see that? £40 for one trout
We'll ask the chap where he got it! "
They duly grabbed him as he was leaving and asked.
"Oh its easy" he said "you just hang over the bridge with your arms hanging down and as soon as you see one coming you clap your hands around him and pull him up!!"
With that the chap left and Pat turned to Mick and said "It's got to be worth a try for 40 quid!"
So they walked up to the bridge and argued about who would hang over but eventually decided that Mick would go over while Pat held his legs to keep him safe. They got into position and waited, After 10 minutes Pat yelled "have you got one yet?"
"No not yet" came the reply.
A few minutes later Mick yelled "Pull me up, pull me up!" "Have you got one then?" replied Pat.

Spoiler: show

"No there's a bl*****g train coming!!"

[Steve Walsh]

[mickthemaverick]

I heard on the news last night that on average 60% of a home's energy consumption occurs in the kitchen!
So today I'm going to move the washing machine and the microwave into the garage!

[Huskyxantia]

love it

Just saw quick trailer for a new film based on an inferno at a French car factory, not absolutely certain who's starring in it but I did spot
Burnt Renaults.

[CitroJim]

All very good points Steve! As they say, many a true word spoken in jest

[myglaren]

[GiveMeABreak]

"Want to be identified as invisible, so I’m a transparent!"

[Stickyfinger]

[Stickyfinger]

There was this bloke who'd invented an Air Freshener that's controlled by the power of thought!

Sounds daft but makes sense when you think about it.