Joke I found funny...

This is the place for posts that don't fit into any other category.

Moderator: RichardW

Post Reply
Hell Razor5543
Donor 2023
Posts: 13726
Joined: 01 Apr 2012, 09:47
Location: Reading
My Cars: C5 Mk2 VTX+ estate.
x 2993

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

mickthemaverick wrote: 06 May 2022, 13:14 We definitely need a groan button for this thread! :-D
We do have this! #-o
James
ex BX 1.9
ex Xantia 2.0HDi SX
ex Xantia 2.0HDi LX
Ex C5 2.0HDi VTR
Ex C5 2.0HDi VTR

C5 2.2HDi VTX+
Yes, I am paranoid, but am I paranoid ENOUGH?
Out amongst the stars, looking for a world of my own!
User avatar
myglaren
Forum Admin Team
Posts: 25361
Joined: 02 Mar 2008, 13:30
Location: Washington
My Cars: Mazda 6
Ooops.
Previously:
2009 Honda Civic :(
C5, C5, Xantia, BX, GS, Visa.
R4, R11TXE, R14, R30TX
x 4888

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

#6,409

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around and then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off. But occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something that she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure, they decided to just continue watching her.

After a couple of weeks the wife said, 'Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?' He hadn't and said so.

Then she said, 'Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing.'

Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.

The man then walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well, is she selling drugs?' she asked excitedly. 'No, she's not,' he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

'Well, what is it then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked. The man grinned and said, 'She's a battery salesperson.'

'Batteries?' cried the wife.

'Yes!' he replied. 'She Sells C Cells by the Seashore!'
User avatar
mickthemaverick
Donor 2024
Posts: 13520
Joined: 11 May 2019, 17:56
Location: Hertford
My Cars: 70+ former cars (list available) including 11 Citroens, 3 Renaults
Current cars: 2004 Subaru Legacy 2.5 SEn, 1994 Mazda MX3
x 6010

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by mickthemaverick »

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a
restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and
dancing.
Spoiler: show
She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure!
I used to ride on two wheels, but now I need all four!
User avatar
mickthemaverick
Donor 2024
Posts: 13520
Joined: 11 May 2019, 17:56
Location: Hertford
My Cars: 70+ former cars (list available) including 11 Citroens, 3 Renaults
Current cars: 2004 Subaru Legacy 2.5 SEn, 1994 Mazda MX3
x 6010

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by mickthemaverick »

Is this the new car exclusively for Yorkshire?:
Spoiler: show
Volkswagen E-UP!
Volkswagen E-UP!
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure!
I used to ride on two wheels, but now I need all four!
Hell Razor5543
Donor 2023
Posts: 13726
Joined: 01 Apr 2012, 09:47
Location: Reading
My Cars: C5 Mk2 VTX+ estate.
x 2993

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

mickthemaverick wrote: 14 May 2022, 11:40 Is this the new car exclusively for Yorkshire?:
Spoiler: show
Image
Are you aware of the fact that Robert Mugabe claimed to be of Yorkshire descent? He said he had clear proof of this;
Spoiler: show
Just say his name backwards. E Ba Gum!
James
ex BX 1.9
ex Xantia 2.0HDi SX
ex Xantia 2.0HDi LX
Ex C5 2.0HDi VTR
Ex C5 2.0HDi VTR

C5 2.2HDi VTX+
Yes, I am paranoid, but am I paranoid ENOUGH?
Out amongst the stars, looking for a world of my own!
User avatar
myglaren
Forum Admin Team
Posts: 25361
Joined: 02 Mar 2008, 13:30
Location: Washington
My Cars: Mazda 6
Ooops.
Previously:
2009 Honda Civic :(
C5, C5, Xantia, BX, GS, Visa.
R4, R11TXE, R14, R30TX
x 4888

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

1652768899705.png
User avatar
momag46
(Donor 2020)
Posts: 180
Joined: 20 Feb 2013, 20:49
Location: Bourne Licolnshire
My Cars: 1999 Xantia V6
x 52

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by momag46 »

Well spotted👍🏻
1999 V6 Xantia
2014 C4 Picasso 1.6hdi Exclusive
User avatar
myglaren
Forum Admin Team
Posts: 25361
Joined: 02 Mar 2008, 13:30
Location: Washington
My Cars: Mazda 6
Ooops.
Previously:
2009 Honda Civic :(
C5, C5, Xantia, BX, GS, Visa.
R4, R11TXE, R14, R30TX
x 4888

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

Just seen this on autoshite, should have gone in the 'Counties' thread but too late.
gdX12MgW.png
User avatar
myglaren
Forum Admin Team
Posts: 25361
Joined: 02 Mar 2008, 13:30
Location: Washington
My Cars: Mazda 6
Ooops.
Previously:
2009 Honda Civic :(
C5, C5, Xantia, BX, GS, Visa.
R4, R11TXE, R14, R30TX
x 4888

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

User avatar
Rp0thejester
Donor 2024
Posts: 2365
Joined: 11 May 2022, 19:54
Location: Letchworth
My Cars: C8 2.2 Hdi Exclusive
x 804

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Rp0thejester »

:rofl2: have you been listening to my Mrs!!!
Ryan

'99 Xsara 1.6 X (Red) with Sunkissed bonnet. T59 SBX
'54 Astra Estate 1.7DTI (Artic White)
'06 C8 2.2Hdi Exclusive (Aster Grey)

Champion of Where's CitroJim :-({|=
Yes I ask the stupid questions, because normally it is that simple.
User avatar
mickthemaverick
Donor 2024
Posts: 13520
Joined: 11 May 2019, 17:56
Location: Hertford
My Cars: 70+ former cars (list available) including 11 Citroens, 3 Renaults
Current cars: 2004 Subaru Legacy 2.5 SEn, 1994 Mazda MX3
x 6010

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by mickthemaverick »

Teacher was trying to get her youngsters to think for themselves so she asked them "If you could take anything home to mum and dad what would you choose?" She worked her way round the class getting answers such as a steak pie, a new TV, a red cushion until she got to little Johnny who's reply was "Nothing" She challenged him on that saying "Surely there must be something you need?" "No" he replied
Spoiler: show
"My sister came home from school yesterday and told us she was pregnant and my Dad said thats all we flipping need!"
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure!
I used to ride on two wheels, but now I need all four!
Gibbo2286
(Donor 2020)
Posts: 7168
Joined: 08 Jun 2011, 18:04
Location: GL15***
My Cars: 2006 C5 2.0 Litre HDI VTR Automatic Estate.(now sold on)
Currently Renault Zoe 2014 ZE
x 2500

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Gibbo2286 »

I like puns about eyes 👀 the cornea the better.
Man is, by nature, a lazy beast, he does not need twice encouraging to do nothing.
User avatar
Paul-R
Donor 2023
Posts: 6916
Joined: 07 May 2009, 16:24
Location: Wirral, NW England; Vaucluse 84, France
Lexia Available: Yes
My Cars: 2015 1.6 Blue HDi 120 Peugeot 308 Active SW
2013 2.0 HDi 163 C5 Exclusive Tourer
2003 2.0 HDi 110 C5 Exclusive Estate (Gone)
2001 2.0 HDi 90 Xsara Estate (Gone)
x 1369

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Paul-R »

Her jokes were
Like her eyes
Blue as the sea
Only cornea.
As I get older I think a lot about the hereafter - I go into a room and then wonder what I'm here after.

Inside every old person is a young person wondering what the hell happened.

"Trying is the first step towards failure" ~ Homer J Simpson​
User avatar
mickthemaverick
Donor 2024
Posts: 13520
Joined: 11 May 2019, 17:56
Location: Hertford
My Cars: 70+ former cars (list available) including 11 Citroens, 3 Renaults
Current cars: 2004 Subaru Legacy 2.5 SEn, 1994 Mazda MX3
x 6010

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by mickthemaverick »

A chap on a business trip to Amsterdam picked up a one eyed prostitute and took her back to his hotel. After 20 minutes trying without success he said that he just wasn't getting any feeling because she was too loose. She winked at him and popped out her glass eye saying "Try it in there!" He did and had a fantastic time. When he was tired out he got dressed and settled up with her. "That was fantastic I hope I'll run into you again" he said. Caressing the cash in her hand she replied
Spoiler: show
"Yes that would be lovely, I'll keep an eye out for you!!"
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure!
I used to ride on two wheels, but now I need all four!
User avatar
myglaren
Forum Admin Team
Posts: 25361
Joined: 02 Mar 2008, 13:30
Location: Washington
My Cars: Mazda 6
Ooops.
Previously:
2009 Honda Civic :(
C5, C5, Xantia, BX, GS, Visa.
R4, R11TXE, R14, R30TX
x 4888

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think!

Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
Post Reply