Joke I found funny...

[Peter.N.]

Yes very droll. I was watching B&C too. Apparently Sarah has left so can't be a very recent one. Wont be the same without her.

Peter

[Steve Walsh]

[Steve Walsh]

Once upon a time there 3 balloons, mummy balloon, daddy balloon, and baby balloon.
Tired of baby balloon creeping into their bed every night,
"Tonight you must stay in your own bed" said mummy.
When he was sure his mummy and daddy were asleep baby balloon crept into their room and tried to squeeze into their bed.
But try as he might he just couldn't fit in, so he undid the bottom of his mummy and let tiny bit air out of her. But to his dismay he still couldn't fit in, so he crept round to his daddy's side of the bed and undid his daddy's knot and let a little bit of air out. Again he tried to squeeze in but still couldn't quite fit. So he undid himself and let a little bit of air out, he still wouldn't fit, so he let a bit more air out of himself Then he fitted in nice and snuggly and fell sound asleep.
When his mum woke up she was furious!
"Get into your own room at once and think of what you have done young man!" she shouted
"I am so disappointed in you!

Spoiler: show

Not only have you let me down, you've let your father down,but most of all you've let yourself down !

[CitroJim]

Great jokes Steve, especially the balloon one

[Steve Walsh]

Johnny wanted to buy a motorcycle.
He doesn't have much luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a FOR SALE sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old.
It's shiny and in absolute mint condition.
He immediately buys it and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.
"Well, it's quite simple really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain."
And he hands Johnny a jar of Vaseline.
That night, his girlfriend, Mary, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. But just before they enter the house, Mary stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about my family before we go in."
"When we eat dinner, we don't talk.
In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
"No problem," he says.. And in they go.
Johnny is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.
In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
They sit down to dinner, and sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, Johnny decides to take advantage of the situation.
So he leans over and kisses Mary. No one says a word.
So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word.
So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table and screws her, right there in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," Johnny thinks.
So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, pulls down her panties, and screws her every which way but loose right there on the dinner table.
After she has a big orgasm, he sits down again. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, the Mom is pleasantly beaming.
But still.... Total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.
Johnny remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.

Spoiler: show

Suddenly the father shouts, "I'll do the (-expletive removed-) dishes!!

[CitroJim]

^^^

[mickthemaverick]

Calling Steve Walsh!! Not sure if you follow the PE Video channel but I know you follow this one so would you mind popping over and seeing if you can solve our mystery?:

viewtopic.php?p=678407#p678407

Cheers Steve.

[Hell Razor5543]

I have been banned from B&Q. I was in there recently looking at seasoned woods and laminates when a big guy in an orange shirt came up to me and asked "Do you want decking or flooring?", so I hit him before he could hit me!

[myglaren]

[Hell Razor5543]

I just had to have a blood test, and I am sad to say that it failed. It was O-, and the required pass mark is AB+!

[myglaren]

[mickthemaverick]

The vicar's wife caught the verger in the belfry with a porno magazine, so she tolled him off!!

[bobins]

How do you spot a blind man in a nudist camp ?
.
.
.
.
It's not hard.

[myglaren]

[myglaren]

I was in a department of my local hospital earlier, and this nurse came up to me and said:
"Wee, sleekit, cowrin, tim'rous beastie,
O, what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
Wi' bickering brattle!
I wad be laith to rin an' chase thee
Wi' murd'ring pattle!"
It was the Burns Unit.