Joke I found funny...
Moderator: RichardW
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Re: Joke I found funny...
I have over 400 pages of jokes (OK, terror!) to inflict upon you, and some of the jokes are worse than my own!
Oh, dear. I just remembered something. I was given, for Christmas, "The Giant Book Of Jokes". Another 2,000 jokes are available for me to look up.
Be afraid. Be VERY afraid!
Oh, dear. I just remembered something. I was given, for Christmas, "The Giant Book Of Jokes". Another 2,000 jokes are available for me to look up.
Be afraid. Be VERY afraid!
Last edited by Hell Razor5543 on 15 Apr 2020, 07:55, edited 1 time in total.
James
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Yes, I am paranoid, but am I paranoid ENOUGH?
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- mickthemaverick
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Re: Joke I found funny...
********
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure!
I used to ride on two wheels, but now I need all four!
I used to ride on two wheels, but now I need all four!
- CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...
James, I've only just come back on the forum... Are you trying to drive me away again?
Jim
Runner, cyclist, time triallist, duathlete, Citroen AX fan and the CCC Citroenian 'From A to Z' Columnist...
Runner, cyclist, time triallist, duathlete, Citroen AX fan and the CCC Citroenian 'From A to Z' Columnist...
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Re: Joke I found funny...
Jim, NO chance! I am just trying (yes, I know, I am VERY trying) to help cheer people up.
James
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Yes, I am paranoid, but am I paranoid ENOUGH?
Out amongst the stars, looking for a world of my own!
ex BX 1.9
ex Xantia 2.0HDi SX
ex Xantia 2.0HDi LX
Ex C5 2.0HDi VTR
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Yes, I am paranoid, but am I paranoid ENOUGH?
Out amongst the stars, looking for a world of my own!
- CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...
And you are succeeding James Keep it up!Hell Razor5543 wrote: ↑15 Apr 2020, 07:58 Jim, NO chance! I am just trying (yes, I know, I am VERY trying) to help cheer people up.
Jim
Runner, cyclist, time triallist, duathlete, Citroen AX fan and the CCC Citroenian 'From A to Z' Columnist...
Runner, cyclist, time triallist, duathlete, Citroen AX fan and the CCC Citroenian 'From A to Z' Columnist...
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Re: Joke I found funny...
Pfah! Lightweights. And now Page 87:
Two mathematicians had been struggling to work out the height of a long pole leaning against a wall. Eventually an engineer came by and offered to help. He took hold of the pole, laid it on the ground and measured it with a tape.
"Typical engineer", said one of the mathematicians. "We wanted the height and he gave us the length!"
What did the Dalek who worked in a beauty parlour say?
EX-FOL-I-ATE!
EX-FOL-I-ATE!
God and Satan are in dispute about the boundary between heaven and hell. Eventually God threatens to take Satan to court.
"Good luck on that," says Satan "and where are you going to find a lawyer?"
Two mathematicians had been struggling to work out the height of a long pole leaning against a wall. Eventually an engineer came by and offered to help. He took hold of the pole, laid it on the ground and measured it with a tape.
"Typical engineer", said one of the mathematicians. "We wanted the height and he gave us the length!"
What did the Dalek who worked in a beauty parlour say?
EX-FOL-I-ATE!
EX-FOL-I-ATE!
God and Satan are in dispute about the boundary between heaven and hell. Eventually God threatens to take Satan to court.
"Good luck on that," says Satan "and where are you going to find a lawyer?"
As I get older I think a lot about the hereafter - I go into a room and then wonder what I'm here after.
Inside every old person is a young person wondering what the hell happened.
"Trying is the first step towards failure" ~ Homer J Simpson
Inside every old person is a young person wondering what the hell happened.
"Trying is the first step towards failure" ~ Homer J Simpson
- mickthemaverick
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Re: Joke I found funny...
That's getting better!!
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure!
I used to ride on two wheels, but now I need all four!
I used to ride on two wheels, but now I need all four!
- mickthemaverick
- Donor 2024
- Posts: 13647
- Joined: 11 May 2019, 17:56
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Current cars: 2004 Subaru Legacy 2.5 SEn, 1994 Mazda MX3 - x 6058
Re: Joke I found funny...
Since SWMBO returned from Australia, our consumption of toilet paper has quadrupled!! How do I know you ask?
- Spoiler: show
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure!
I used to ride on two wheels, but now I need all four!
I used to ride on two wheels, but now I need all four!
- Paul-R
- Donor 2023
- Posts: 6931
- Joined: 07 May 2009, 16:24
- Location: Wirral, NW England; Vaucluse 84, France
- Lexia Available: Yes
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2013 2.0 HDi 163 C5 Exclusive Tourer
2003 2.0 HDi 110 C5 Exclusive Estate (Gone)
2001 2.0 HDi 90 Xsara Estate (Gone) - x 1378
Re: Joke I found funny...
I don't understand that and maybe I don't want to!
As I get older I think a lot about the hereafter - I go into a room and then wonder what I'm here after.
Inside every old person is a young person wondering what the hell happened.
"Trying is the first step towards failure" ~ Homer J Simpson
Inside every old person is a young person wondering what the hell happened.
"Trying is the first step towards failure" ~ Homer J Simpson
-
- Donor 2023
- Posts: 13743
- Joined: 01 Apr 2012, 09:47
- Location: Reading
- My Cars: C5 Mk2 VTX+ estate.
- x 3007
Re: Joke I found funny...
What did the Dalek who converted to Catholicism say?
"Excommunicate! Excommunicate!"
The defendant stood up in the dock and said "I don't recognise this court". "Why not?" barked the Judge. "Because it has been decorated since I was last here", came the reply.
The defendants' barrister asked "Madam, can you tell the court just why you stabbed your husband 93 times?". "Oh yes "replied the defendant "I couldn't turn off the electric carving knife".
Halfway through a long summing up a Barrister stopped and said "My Lord, I object. One of the jury has gone to sleep". The Judge replied "You put him to sleep, you wake him up".
How many police officers does it take to break an egg. None; it fell down the stairs by itself.
"Excommunicate! Excommunicate!"
The defendant stood up in the dock and said "I don't recognise this court". "Why not?" barked the Judge. "Because it has been decorated since I was last here", came the reply.
The defendants' barrister asked "Madam, can you tell the court just why you stabbed your husband 93 times?". "Oh yes "replied the defendant "I couldn't turn off the electric carving knife".
Halfway through a long summing up a Barrister stopped and said "My Lord, I object. One of the jury has gone to sleep". The Judge replied "You put him to sleep, you wake him up".
How many police officers does it take to break an egg. None; it fell down the stairs by itself.
Last edited by Hell Razor5543 on 15 Apr 2020, 15:02, edited 1 time in total.
James
ex BX 1.9
ex Xantia 2.0HDi SX
ex Xantia 2.0HDi LX
Ex C5 2.0HDi VTR
Ex C5 2.0HDi VTR
C5 2.2HDi VTX+
Yes, I am paranoid, but am I paranoid ENOUGH?
Out amongst the stars, looking for a world of my own!
ex BX 1.9
ex Xantia 2.0HDi SX
ex Xantia 2.0HDi LX
Ex C5 2.0HDi VTR
Ex C5 2.0HDi VTR
C5 2.2HDi VTX+
Yes, I am paranoid, but am I paranoid ENOUGH?
Out amongst the stars, looking for a world of my own!
- mickthemaverick
- Donor 2024
- Posts: 13647
- Joined: 11 May 2019, 17:56
- Location: Hertford
- My Cars: 70+ former cars (list available) including 11 Citroens, 3 Renaults
Current cars: 2004 Subaru Legacy 2.5 SEn, 1994 Mazda MX3 - x 6058
Re: Joke I found funny...
I was driving this morning when I saw a parked RAC van.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure!
I used to ride on two wheels, but now I need all four!
I used to ride on two wheels, but now I need all four!
- myglaren
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Re: Joke I found funny...
BREAKING NEWS:
Two people found sunbathing in Scotland today have tested positive for hypothermia.
Two people found sunbathing in Scotland today have tested positive for hypothermia.