Life on the edge - the Diary of a C5

[Hell Razor5543]

Yes, but you don't want to hurt him (otherwise he might decide he no longer loves you), just inconvenience him somewhat!

[Xantianut]

Quite right, Unca James, quite right.

Especially seeing as he has repaired my speedo. He scared the life out of the postman by lurking behind the door and shouting "HOWZAT!!!!!!" When the little padded envelope containing my new stepper motor arrived. Tigger leapt 5 feet in the air, the postman more than that! He fitted the new motor easily enough, muttering about German design (I'll grant him that, my instrument pack is made by Jaeger), plugged it into me then me into Lexia. When he switched on the ignition, my speedo shot across to read 130mph! "How tiresome" said Papa as he dismantled my pack again and reset the needle. He then tested both speedo and rev counter with Lexia before playing with my other gauges! I now display 25mph while Hex the SatNav says 22mph. But what does she know anyway?

I was worried when Papa announced that he had used a bodge on this, remembering previous owners' bodies. However, I needn't have worried. Papa's bodge was to fill the tubes that go over the motor shaft with blu-tac. Result! My accurate and stylish gauges now read steadily again.

I know I give him a hard time sometimes but he is a good Papa who is a talented repair artiste into the bargain!

Love

Otterchops

[Xantianut]

Hello, Friends!!

I am a happy girl.

For the last couple of weeks my diesel filter has been weeping. Not a lot but enough to lower my excellent fuel economy. Papa has tried many things, including using a screwdriver and hammer to tap the locking ring round. That's what he said but it hurt I can tell you!

Anyway, he's just had a fossick in the garage for some blue train or other* when he suddenly shouted Eureka! I know from past experience this usually means work to do on me and so it was the case tonight. He had found his long nylon oil filter strap. He tried this earlier but to no avail but this time he had a fossick about in my boot and produced the BIG torque wrench. He then used this to tighten the strap around the fuel filter cap and stop the drip completely. We think. We shall know more tomorrow.

He may be an old fool but he's a clever old fool sometimes!

Must go, Friends!

Love

Otterchops

* A Hornby Coronation Scot train pack with extra coaches, Fifi!. Wotever......

[myglaren]

Changed mine yesterday and had a bit of a struggle with it to get it to seal.

I find these to be the best thing to rotate the locking ring.

[Xantianut]

Hello, MyGlaren!

He has one of those but he couldn't' tighten it quite enough with it. Don't know why but we did have outbursts of swearing from beneath my bonnet.

Both Maman and Papa thought I had sprung a leak today but it was the knackered old van ahead of us in the traffic, belching out more fuel than it's engine was burning! Papa had to open his window to remove the stink from my comfortable interior....

[Xantianut]

Hello, Friends!!!

Today is a very special day indeed. I have joined the 200,000 mile club! And I got Papa to photograph my speedo!!!!

[Xantianut]

Finally!!!

Daft old codger......

[Xantianut]

Hello, Friends!

Papa has brought tears to my eyes today.

He found a piece of broken brake disc on the road and that reminded him of how thin my front discs have become so he fitted them today, now that the new wind back tools have arrived. The tears? Well, when he did the right hand one, he used just WD40 and brute force before he discovered that winding my piston out before winding it back in again made life so much easier. There was a lot of swearing from my right hand wheel arch before he discovered that little trick!

My new discs and pads are now fitted and I am happy to say that I can stop on a sixpence and give change! Nice to look after my people!

Love

Otterchops

[Xantianut]

Hello, friends!!!

If anything i think my brakes are getting even more powerful as they bed in.

Please don't tell the daft old codger but i reckon he is a pretty good mechanic....

If he ever finds out i said that, he will be unbearable!!!!

Love

Otterchops.

PS - he did use the big hammer on me to do the job but fairly gently. I still yelped, just to see if Maman would ask what he was doing to me!

[Hell Razor5543]

Otterchops, if you are not careful you might end up doing handstands on your front wheels (and if you don't concentrate you might tip over), if the brakes are that efficient!

[Xantianut]

Hello, Uncle James!

Handstands, eh? What a good idea!

I do not know who arranged it but the Police helicopter was buzzing Sainsbury's diesel station tonight, just as Papa filled me up and spent all of £4 on the jet wash! I know he is tighter than a duck's rear end but, as he said, that was a bit much!!!!

[myglaren]

I've been using Sainsburys diesel for the past six months since the Torq station closed and all was fine but last week filled up with Shell (same price and closer to home) and I swear the car is much more lively now.

[Xantianut]

Hello friends!!!

I have some good news and some bad news.

Good news is that Papa has now fitted my new rear silencer. This arrived on Thursday in a massive cardboard box which was surprisingly heavy, well, the silly old fool should know by now that EVERYTHING for a C5 is heavy duty! Even better, it came with a full fitting kit of 2 new rubbers and a clamp.

Papa put my bum in the air last night on ramps and then got busy this morning. He wanted my exhaust to be as cool as possible. Well, I don't want him to burn himself either! He said that the clamp must have been designed by a German because it came off with nothing more dangerous than his 13mm socket. The rubbers had shrunk so he cut them off. The rear one brought out his swear words because it was sandwiched between my tow bar and my wheelarch liner! He said that was the French bit!

Then he had a good idea and borrowed Maman's washing up liquid to help the new rubbers on. Then a near disaster! The new silencer fell on his head! A glancing blow on the part of his brain that is dead anyway from Carbon Monoxide poisoning but still enough to cause him something he called a concussion. Is this a sort of headache? Anyway he finished tightening up the clamp and making sure the rubbers are secure before leaving my bum in the air!

I do hope he is all right.

He may be a Big Hairy Fool but he is my Big Hairy Old Fool!

Love

Otterchops

[Hell Razor5543]

Ouch! Tell Papa from us all that we hope he is OK. Concussion is 'sort of' bruising to the brain, and it can be serious. The fact that he completed the job first implies that he is not in terrible shape (but nursing a lump on the head!).

[Xantianut]

Hello, friends.

Better get the bad news over with. I failed my MOT.

Now the good news.

Remember how Sir Bodgealot "fixed" my headlight with a sponge scourer? Papa made a new clip from some nice, thick brass wire which did the job. However, this year's test has thrown up a new problem. I don't remember hitting a bump that hard* but something has damaged the little tin cone in front of the bulb. Papa tried to take off the Perspex front fro my headlamp but found it glued in so instead he undid a couple of little screws behind the light, took out the holder and straightened it out with his fingers!

I also have a slight leak on my near side front suspension which Papa thinks is caused by one of those awful clips they used when I was hatched! So he has a nice, big Jubilee clip and some soapy water to get rid of the collected oil.

So, hopefully, a new test this week!

Love

Otterchops.



* or was it my EBA that caused the damage? not done that!!!!!