Such a sad demise !!!
Moderator: RichardW
Such a sad demise !!!
Now using '00 Xantia LX HDI, pov spec 
My past Citroens :-
'00 Xantia SX HDI, now dead due to accident
'99 Xantia HDI 110 Exclusive, RIP
'97 Xantia TD SX
'96 Xantia TD LX
'96 ZX TD
'89 BX TD
'88 AX GT
'79 CX2400 Pallas (scrapped )
& a couple of Peugeots !
My past Citroens :-
'00 Xantia SX HDI, now dead due to accident
'99 Xantia HDI 110 Exclusive, RIP
'97 Xantia TD SX
'96 Xantia TD LX
'96 ZX TD
'89 BX TD
'88 AX GT
'79 CX2400 Pallas (scrapped
)& a couple of Peugeots !
-
robert_e_smart
- Posts: 1031
- Joined: 23 Oct 2009, 10:51
- Location: Northern Ireland
- My Cars:
- x 14
What a salesman. Hard hitting, persuasive copy and honesty too! 
Do you get the impression he doesn't really like the car he's selling...
Andrew
Do you get the impression he doesn't really like the car he's selling...
WELL WELL WELL,JUST FEAST YOUR MINCE PIES ON THIS RAGING BEAUTY!!!!
...FIRSTLY.. I`D LIKE TO START OFF BY SAYING HOW FINE AN EXAMPLE OF
QUALITY FRENCH MOTOR CAR CONSTRUCTION THIS VEHICLE
IS................I`D LIKE TO SAY THAT....BUT...SADLY I CANT...IN FACT I CANT
COME ANYWHERE CLOSE TO SAYING ANYTHING REMOTELY SIMILAR TO
THAT. RENAULT ESPACE NINETEEN OATCAKE,HOPE ITS A DIESEL AS ITS
CERTAINLY OILY,SMELLY AND WAY NOISY ENOUGH...ALWAYS STARTS 1ST
PUSH...WELL NEARLY ALWAYS.BIT OF A LOTTERY,BUT HEY WHEN IT DOES
START IT DOES MOVE...SORT OF..GEARBOX LIKE STIRRING YOUR GRANS
CUSTARD,STEERING IS AT BEST EXTREMELY VAGUE,RECKON BEST JUST TO
POINT IT IN THE ROUGH GENERAL DIRECTION AND JUST WALK THE REST.
BRAKES ARE...WELL CHALLENGING...LETS JUST SAY YOU WONT FALL
ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL (unless the exhaust fumes get to you 1st).LIMITED
SLIP CLUTCH AND QUICK RELEASE ASHTRAY FITTED(full to brim).AS PIX
SHOW IT HAS COMPETITION LIGHT SWITCHES CENTRAL CONSOLE
MOUNTED,APPARENTLY CONVERSION DONE BY B&Q MOTORSPORT.A
COLABORATION WITH THEM AND STEVIE WONDER AUTO ELECTRICS.JUST
LIKE SITTING IN THE LIVING ROOM,CARBON FIBRE SLIPPER RACK HAS
BEEN REMOVED,SORRY.THESE SEVEN SEATERS..WELL SIX AS ONE HAS
FALLEN THROUGH A HOLE IN THE FLOOR BUT STILL PLENTY ROOM ON
DRIVERS KNEE FOR A WEE ONE. INSIDE COULD DO WITH A FRESHEN UP
WITH A HAND GRENADE,SEEMS LIKE A BAG OF DEAD KIPPERS STUCK IN
AN AIR VENT.OUTSIDE THE PISSDRAB GREEN PAINTWORK APPEARS TO
HAVE BEEN RUBBED DOWN WITH A HALF BRICK INSIDE AN OLD
SOCK,BODY HAS NORE DINGS THAN A CHINESE PHONEBLOOK,TOWBAR
FITTED AT THE REAR,SHOULD REALLY BE AT THE FRONT I RECKON.CHECK
OUT DA BANGIN RIMZ MAN, APPARENTLY THIS WAS THE ORIGINAL CAR
FROM THE LATE NIGHT GENTLEMANS MOTORING CHANNEL PROGRAMME
"GIMP MY RIDE"!!..WOW 15" WHEELS,ONE AT EACH CORNER,GO ON
COUNT EM!!!TYRES ARE FORMULA ONE SPEC...AS MUCH TREAD AS
MURRAY WALKERS SHINY BONCE!!!ACTUALLY BOUGHT IT FOR MY WIFE
FOR CHRISTMAS,(oh how i used to quite like her) STRANGELY SHE DIDNT
TAKE TO IT AS WELL AS ID HAVE HOPED.MY SCABBY RABID FLEA RIDDEN
MANGY DOG WONT EVEN SLEEP IN IT. IDEAL FOR PARKING IN THE
DRIVEWAY IF YOU REALLY DESPISE YOUR NEIGHBOURS.SO THANKFULLY A
RARE CHANCE TO PICK UP A REAL NON BARGAIN.TRY FINDING ANOTHER
LIKE THIS!!!! PRAY TO GOD YOU CANT!!!DUE TO THE HUGE RESPONSE NOT
EXPECTED WE NEED IT PAID IN FULL AND COLLECTED WITHIN 24HRS 36
MINUTES AND 20 SECONDS OF SALE END.CAR IS ONLY 500 MILES FROM
LONDON.SO IDEAL IF IN GLASGOW.SORRY NO MICROWAVES IN P/EX BUT
WE WILL SUPPLY A BIG PAPER BAG FOR COLLECTION PURPOSES(eye holes
optional)..OH DEAR SADLY I WAS OUT DOING SOME DRIFTING (off to
sleep) IN IT AND TO MY DISMAY/JOY I FEAR THE ENGINE HAS
POPPED,CURRENTLY TRYING TO SHOEHORN A SMALL LITHUANIAN PIT
PONY PIG CROSS INTO PLACE SO IF IT WORKS THE HP WILL BE DOUBLED
TO 31/2.
Question & Answer Answered On
Q: do,ddooo ddooo,do do oooooohhh ,and you lived your life like a candle in the wind never knowing who to turn to when the rain came in ,proper like,julliett bravo now me old mate shes the kiddy 06-Jan-11
A: This car has your name all over it!!!
Q: hi, i am currently taking 300 portugiuse up everest for an excursion (not sure if i will bring them back down, would this magnificent vehicle make it to the himalayas, and whats the chance of the back falling off with all the travelers in it?.. yours sincerely nick griffin,,,, 04-Jan-11
A: Im sure they will fit in,may need to empty the ashtray and glovebox though,if its downhill all the way then you may be ok, great for A to B...but you can forget C.....never gonna happen.
Q: Hmmm I must congratulate you on presenting this sleek and stunning machine for sale at such a bargain price. I am looking for a replacement for my Bentley and shall send Jeeves round immediately with the full asking price. Kind Regards. S Wonder. 04-Jan-11
A: Thanx it is surely the bargain of the year,you obviously are a man of impeccable taste,when Jeeves arives we will also show him our fine Lada Cossack limousine for him to take his pick.
Q: Firstly, my congratulations on such an honest and descriptive ad for this item which has been a source of amusement for the past week. Unfortunately, this item is priced out of my pocket money for this year!! Couple of questions though, what did the poor Lithuanian pit pony cross do to deserve such a fate? Why not add Citroen Picasso and Peugeot 805 for a full house and keep them as depreciating classics to pay someone to take them off your hands at a VERY later date? Cheers J. 04-Jan-11
A: Thanks,service with a smirk!!,we actually removed the pit pony from a old Talbot Matra Rancho we had.. i say removed it..it just walked free of the rotting french carcass,we are purveyors of fine french automobiliascrap.
Q: Hi, Would you post to Nigeria, price seems very reasonable is payment by Western Union OK? 04-Jan-11
A: Sure if you send me £10,000 will send the change back.....i will honest!!
Q: ive just got the clap fancy a swop deal cash my way ?? 04-Jan-11
A: Well done,sorry just got rid of it....for the moment.
Q: Hi. £398.74 ? If you keep the registration (which must be worth £398.00) would you deliver the diseasal Espace to Auchtermuchty for 74 pence? 04-Jan-11
A: Hi,reg is actually only valued at £397.98 so im afraid your kind and generous offer falls slightly short of the mark by a hefty 2p,nice try though.
Q: besides any chance of international shipping,is there any chance we could use this as a smuggling mule for international transport of lucas smoke !? i have a bsa that needs some replacement lucas smoke for the wires,it would also come in handy for my tl1000r suzi,so can we pak it full of smoke ?!?!?! 04-Jan-11
A: Im afraid it wont hold any smoke as there are way too many escape holes,mainly in the floor,may be able to strip out the wiring and send that as its smouldering nicely,seems plenty smoke.
Q: Love the colour. Any chance you can accept 5 1/2 penny sweets(cola bottles) and a half eaten sausage i found(comes with its own mould) 03-Jan-11
A: I think you will find the mouldy sausage is not half eaten. the other half is in the glovebox.
Q: are them light switches available separately? i dont need a new shed, just 2 new light switches.... 03-Jan-11
A: Sorry wont split as i fear it may impair the chance of a speedy sale,thanx anyway.
Q: Mate,you deserve treble the asking price for that fine car. I absolutly pissed myself laughing at your ad.BRILLIANT!. Good luck with your sale. J 03-Jan-11
A: Why thanx,it does come with spare pants if you fancy it.
Q: Is this a Turbo Diesel or a Naturaly Athmatic.... Also does it come with life in the battery.... 03-Jan-11
A: Its VERY asthmatic.sadly any life in the battery has long drained away along with my enthusiasm for the beast,there is however a Duracell AAA in the glovebox.(also flat)
Q: hi fanizzle a dizzle, wud i be able to lower it on a pair of rolla skates n pull some top be-atchs in the devon area, also how much extra for da s**t that is piles up around it, i am willin to pay top wonga extra for dat, hit me up homy... 03-Jan-11
A: Bro,dis wagon is a top be-atch magnet,i is gonna ave it rollin on dubz stateside stylee,juiced chopped-n-chanelled lowrida style wid de bangin choonz innnit,check it!!
Q: hi ,mate could you mot it for me? dont mind paying the extra £50 cheers bruce 02-Jan-11
A: Sorry seems your computer is faulty,couple of zeros missing.
Q: Your Espace is a dream car; I am having to stay awake to stop dreaming about it. The price you are asking represents good value for such a sound motor; any car salesman would give it pride of place on their forecourt. I would be happy to meet your price; however I don't have any ready cash available. Would you consider a swap. I have a Ferrari Dayton and a Veyron which I would happily swap for your gem of a vehicle. How about a two for one offer? 31-Dec-10
A: Trust me i am having many sleepless nights thinking about it,just sold my veyron last week but would definately maybe consider a deal with a 1965/66 SERIES 2A1/2 WARTBURG KNIGHT LHD V8 TWO STROKE DIESEL ICECREAM VAN BODIED CAMPER CONVERSION BY PININFARINA.....IN MAUVE AND BEIGE...HHHM NICE!!
Q: The wireing in the renault looks distinctly Irish to me with a touch of B&Q that on its own has got to be worth a fortune,I may place a bid just for that and leave you with the rest of the renault how much for postage? 31-Dec-10
A: Wiring is unique...thank god..could probably shovel it into a jiffy bag once ive scraped all the rust off.
Q: Hello, if I was daft enough to press the buy-it-now button, in your expert opinion would the vehicle (I use this term very losely) withstand a car wash.......I mean with bucket and sponge or would I be expecting to much to risk a mechanical wash!!! Good luck with the auction, I'll be watching with Great Interest31-Dec-10
A: Well as you can see its in need of a wash but i fear its the dirt holding it together,actually tried to wash with a sponge...im just back from A&E with multiple lacerations to my hand..you can actually hear it sizzle when it rains..bodywork by ASPRIN DEVELOPMENTS.
Q: Are you trying to put me off buying this GEM OF A MOTOR GUVNOR, I ask what bag would be supplied (with eye holes) and you said Lidl or Aldis and then another prospective buyer asked a question about a possible sun roof you mentioned "Poundland carrier bags tenderly hand stitched together by elves" Am I not good enough for this absolute beauty, my feeling are hurt now beyond repair and find it hard to belive that at this time of year you could be so cruel to another human being, I type this with a tear in my eye and a very heavy and sad heart. 31-Dec-10
A: Never has the term " CRUEL TO BE KIND" been more appropriate,better to have a heavy heart than a light wallet,you can go into the new year without this almighty burden round your neck dragging you down down down into the dark black depths of deep despair...where i am now
Q: Hi there, can you tell me if it has a sunroof? can't quite make it out from the pics. I was thinking of buying a green house to grow mushrooms and tomatoes in but this could be another option, if it doesn't i suppose i could make one with a tin opener and a bit of perspex. could you let me know before i make a bid, cheers. 30-Dec-10
A: Techically yes as the centre of the roof has rotted right out it,currently covered with Poundland carrier bags tenderly hand stitched together by elves..ideal as its already got loads of fungus growing in it,lovely fungal seatcovers stained my new white white slacks green...which was nice.
Q: hiya any tax or mot cheers 30-Dec-10
A: tax and mot till last month,thanx.
Q: hi this could be the car i have always wanted do you think it would look ok if i taped black bags to the windows to tint them out put go faster stripes on it and a gettoblaster in it for bangin tunes and put some holes in the silencer for that big bore roar, and take it down the park on a sunday to pull some skirt and do the local kebab run throu the week sounds just what im looking for a tue fanny magnet 30-Dec-10
A: Had to move it today so already bagged the windows up incase i was seen,exhaust has more holes than a cheese grater so yer sorted there too,reckon the only f@nny ever in this car will be the guy that buys it!!!
Q: Hi, you say in the listing you'll supply a paper bag (eye holes optional)Can I ask what shop the bag will come from? If I was to bid and win would you be able to guarantee that this bargain people carrier would make it to Strathclyde Loch when it would be set alight and SUNK
A: Hi,will be Lidl or Aldis,not worth any better quality.unfortunatly it wont burn or sink..weve tried,trust me!!!
Q: This might be my dream car; but if it fails to live up to expectations, you state that you will accept a return; what are your terms and conditions where you will accept a return. Perhaps if the steering works and the car goes around a corner will be grounds for a return, as clearly the car wants to return to it's former owner! 30-Dec-10
A: Set your expectations low..very low then lower them again...and again.steering is via bluetooth,corners may be a problem,possibly ok for getting from A to B..forget C..not gonna happen.(A will need to be 5mm from B)
Q: You have listed it's good points, does it have any bad point that I should be aware of? 30-Dec-10
A: Nothing that springs to mind.
Q: Hi there Sir I am blown away by the sheer quality of this vehicle, infact, when my eyes set upon it, my knob just about launched itself out my trousers, But now that ive stuffed all the ice from my freezer down my skants to reduce the swelling, My question is, does the heater work in this fine vehicle, if so, then we may have a deal on the go, i will move into the mentioned beauty as it has to be better than facing another 10 years of my wife farting and belching in her sleep, let alone the stimulating tremours experienced by her volcanic snoring fits. Hers hoping Bry 30-Dec-10
A: Find it hard to believe weve married the same "woman"!!.sorry but heater is at best..subzero,heres to another 10 years of no sleep!!!
Q: ok so i take it that this vehicle does have a few problems,but can you tell me if there are any other faults with it??no to be fair to you,you certainly know how to spoil your wife,wish i had the balls.what an absolutely brilliant ad,best and most honest ive ever seen on ebay.so b in no doubt i wont b bidding on this one,but all the best with it. 29-Dec-10
A: Thanx very much,being old and french,didnt really have much chance to start with,im only off for a week or i would have sat down and listed the other more major problems.
Q: Would you take a one handled wheelbarrow in part ex? (Tyre may be flat) 28-Dec-10
A: Maybe if LHD,would be interested in a bowler hat with sleeves though.
Q: Hi, would you be interested in a swap? My offer is half a dog biscuit and some second hand wrapping paper. 28-Dec-10
A: Damn,just found a half eaten dog biscuit down the side of the seat,matted with hair or i would have jumped at the chance....at least im hoping its a biscuit!!!
Q: sounds like just the car for my mother in law. will it pass next mot? 27-Dec-10
A: May just fit the bill,think the brake pipes are rotten enough,sure would pass with a couple of grand chucked at it.
Q: apart from that does it drive ok cheers 27-Dec-10
A: Drives like a Tesco trolley with a bad wheel...on ice.
Q: Have you consider a career as a car sales man or politician, Your advert was probably the first truly honest one I have ever read, I have no intention of buying the truly awful car & I will be praying for your family after your tragic decision to buy it as Christmas present, thank you for sharing this Joy spreading message, I have posted it on face book so expect you will have many happy, happy viewers & who knows there may be someone who is so delusional that they may consider bidding on it, I hope so as it would be a great reward for such a brilliant advert - Cheers Bud 27-Dec-10
A: Honesty is the best policy.....sometimes,...maybe should have highlighted the worse points,thanx have a fab new year. A Daley.
Q: Hi . Just wondered if there was any bad points !! 27-Dec-10
A: Apart from the mechanical,bodywork,interior and electrics it seems reasonable,thanx.
Andrew
