This is an actual bonus question given on a University of Washington
chemistry mid-term exam. The answer by one student was
so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the
Internet. That is why we can now enjoy it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So
we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the
rate at which they are leaving. I think we can safely assume that
once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are
leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions
state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to
Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since
people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that
all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of
change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order
for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume
of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls
in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman
year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you",
and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then
number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic
and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct, leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a
divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh
my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
Light reading
Moderator: RichardW
