Oh! Is that what it does!!

Robin · Post by **Robin** » 27 Jan 2005, 13:53

I gave my Xantia to my partner when I bought the XM and we have had a few starting problems with the 1.9TD Xant.
Not fully understanding the problem, I am not there in the mornings, I was getting a bit frustrated (with the car you understand) and finally I got Hils to tell me step by step what she does in the mornings with the car.
The conversation, a touch frosty, went a bit like this - 'You told me to wait until the orange light goes out so I switch on the ignition, get out and put my case in the back, lock the house and come back to the car. The light has now gone out and it still won't start. So I switch it off and start all over again and have to sit there and it's getting late but when the light goes out again it usually starts then'
Need I say more......[:(!]
So I got to thinking about the other things I have experienced in my life - the older gentleman who sold his very elderly Jaguar and bought an E Type. Fuel consumption was dreadful, top speed was not really possible and after several weeks of checking it out and retuning it I went out with him and had to gently point out that there was a fifth gear........
Hey ho, it's off to drive we go. Robin

kevin · Post by **kevin** » 27 Jan 2005, 18:37

Following on in similar vein, one story from my garage days, we had an old woman who brought her car in with a knocking noise on the driver’s side. After several road tests, we could not find the fault and returned the car. She immediately returned the car complaining no work had been done as the fault was still there. We road tested the car with her in it, no knocking to be heard until I drove over the centre of the road. We told her not to drive on the cat’s eyes any more!
Customers, don’t you just love them. Almost as much practical jokes on apprentices, rad caps for VW Beetles/ Citroen 2CV’s, Long stands and so on

ACTIVE8 · Post by **ACTIVE8** » 27 Jan 2005, 20:44

Yes, and other favorites like a long weight, left handed screw driver, and a set of tappet clearances to be given to you, by the parts man after your long weight. [:D]

bernie · Post by **bernie** » 28 Jan 2005, 00:41

I started at the Ordnance Survey,London Rd. on leaving school.
Then it was go to the stores for some stipple dots.

Stuart McB · Post by **Stuart McB** » 28 Jan 2005, 00:46

Had this last week end at the local Sainsburys. This bloke was pushing a Hyundi Lantra estate in the rain on his own, wife driving. I decided to give him a hand. First push it started and ran but then stopped and the same on the second attempt. I asked "it's got petrol in hasn't it?" the bloke said yes but the car had recently been fitted with LPG. I asked again "you've got both fuels then?". We stopped he looked and the wife said " well it's on the red for petrol but the gas is fine!". Now at this point the man lent in the vehicle flicked a switch and the car started first time. Now I'm not that up to speed on LPG but I thought you'd have to run on petrol around a car park from cold starting.

dan.2cv · Post by **dan.2cv** » 28 Jan 2005, 03:22

A mate of mine that used to work in a fast fit place had a lady come in requiring brake pads on her 2cv. He was absolutely stumped after removing the front roadwheel to find no components. With that the phone rang which was a guy from their other shop; he sheepishly explained what had happened to be told the brakes were indeed inboard. He got on with replacing them after removing the other front wheel to avoid looking daft in front of the customer!!

Post by **martyhopkirk** » 28 Jan 2005, 03:28

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by bernie

I started at the Ordnance Survey,London Rd. on leaving school.
Then it was go to the stores for some stipple dots.
<hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">
As a Student Nurse in the late 1980's it was customary to be sent (usually to maternity or gynae) for a falopian tube.
I used it as an excuse to bugger off for a smoke....

weety · Post by **weety** » 28 Jan 2005, 20:26

when i was young one of my mates bought a citroen visa just like mine....so about a week later he was moaning to me about the amount of oil it got through and the smoke it made, so i drove it round the block to find out what was wrong and everything smoked, the exhaust the engine even round the pedals...... So i checked the oil and it was really high up the dipstick about three inches higher than the mark. So he is looking over my shoulder and getting agitated about the amount of oil he has lost ....at which point i explained that the upper limit was the little cut away bit..... not the bent bit loads higher up....that was there just to hold the dipstick in place
youth you can never recreate it

oilyspanner · Post by **oilyspanner** » 28 Jan 2005, 21:59

Then ask for a ball of hamstring, some sparks for the grinder and a tin of compression and a packet of skyhooks, how long was your long stand?
Stewart

Stinkwheel · Post by **Stinkwheel** » 28 Jan 2005, 22:55

Filling the visa over full with oil story reminded me of a next door neighbour i once had. He owned a 1.6 capri laser (nice!) and decided to service it himself. He drained the old oil, changed the filter and then filled it up with oil. wondering why it took like 3 gallons, yes he filled it up. right to the top of the rocker cover. Lucky he asked my old man why he had had to put so much in before he had tried to start it, bew that would have hydraulic locked a treat.

oilyspanner · Post by **oilyspanner** » 28 Jan 2005, 23:38

Kid sister killed a Renault 5 similarly, started off by killing my Beetle through lack of engine oil, lesson learned and ears bashed kept topping up the oil in the renault, then it began to leak, obviously needed more oil.... continued regular top ups, when it stopped it was full to the rocker cover.
Stewart

weety · Post by **weety** » 29 Jan 2005, 02:50

i have heard the tale (though im not sure if it is an urban myth) about the woman going into a garage to get oil. Then she came back and complained that it was really difficult to pour it down such a small hole and did they have anything to help.
She was of course trying to pour it down the dipstick hole

Post by **martyhopkirk** » 29 Jan 2005, 12:45

<blockquote id="quote">quote:<hr height="1" noshade id="quote">Originally posted by weety

not sure if it is an urban myth She was of course trying to pour it down the dipstick hole <hr height="1" noshade id="quote"></blockquote id="quote">
You have met my mother in law then?[:o)]

dnsey · Post by **dnsey** » 29 Jan 2005, 13:41

When I worked at a garage, we once spent hages poring over the parts book to find a replacement dipstick for a BMC 1100. Not illustrated of course, and no 'dipstick' in the listings either. Eventually we discovered it in the small print - 'Oil Level Indicator Rod'. The book must have been written by the people who do the Yellow Pages!

turbolag · Post by **turbolag** » 30 Jan 2005, 02:26

In my spannering days we got up to all sorts. Gobby customers got an exhaust full of grease - a few miles up the road it'd smoke like crazy, but by the time they were back to complain it'd burned off and we just tutted and shook our heads.
Real gobby customers had some of the lads draining out most of their oil, thrashing the car mercillesly, refilling and handing it back - their gobby ways having just cost them 50k miles of wear.
Our snooty sales staff would get kippers in the door cards, but my favourite was the saucy looking lesbian that brought her Nissan Sunny in for a service - her steamy lesbian love letters were photocopied and posted all over Milton Keynes. Oh, and one of the boys stole the cannabis resin from her ashtray. Hell, it's not like she was gonna report that to the Dibble, was it?