Joke I found funny...

[CitroJim]

And 1000 degrees C is likely well past the melting/flash/destruction point of most materials it might be used on...

With that attention to detail I can only assume the product itself is a pile of poo...

[momag46]

No wonder I keep getting lost with the compass I bought from the same company.

[CitroJim]

No wonder I keep getting lost with the compass I bought from the same company.

Same company who once sold 50 foot measuring tapes... One of our aerial riggers had one and he could never agree with his colleagues on measurements.

Until they checked his tape. It had 10 inches to the foot

This is actually a true story...

[myglaren]

Decimal inches. Half-metricated measurements.

[CitroJim]

Decimal inches. Half-metricated measurements.

Yep, and 100 inches to the foot!!!

[Stickyfinger]

Decimal inches. Half-metricated measurements.

Yep, and 100 inches to the foot!!!

Well some centipedes have 100 foot to the inch ...

[CitroJim]

Decimal inches. Half-metricated measurements.

Yep, and 100 inches to the foot!!!

Well some centipedes have 100 foot to the inch ...

True

[Hell Razor5543]

Yep, and 100 inches to the foot!!!

Well some centipedes have 100 foot to the inch ...

True

And millipedes exceed that!

[Hell Razor5543]

Some of the presidents of beer producers have a meeting in London. After the meeting four of them go to a local pub. The president of Millers says "I will have a bottle of the finest beer in the World, Millers", and the barman passes him a bottle. The president of Coors says "I will have a bottle of the greatest beer in the World, Coors", and the barman passes him a different bottle. The president of Budweiser says "I will have a bottle of the excellent Budweiser", and the barman hands him a bottle. The president of Guinness asks for a bottle of Coke. The other presidents start laughing at him until he looks at them and says "Well, I thought I would join you all in enjoying a soft drink.".

[mickthemaverick]

Had a game of snooker last night and it went down to the final black, my opponent left the black virtually on its spot with the cueball between the blue and pink spots. I threw some coins on the table by the blue spot and ran my cue over them to play my shot. I miscued completely and gave him the game Grrrrrr!!

Spoiler: show

In future I'll remember that contrary to popular belief change is not as good as a rest!

[Stickyfinger]

[CitroJim]

[Stickyfinger]

[CitroJim]

^^

Ours used grey paint. The council budget could not afford red paint...

But they did 'do' the white lines though...

[myglaren]

Perhaps is was a pensioner