Joke I found funny...

[CitroJim]

A bloke got into a Taxi...

'King Arthur's Close'

'No worries' said the driver, 'We'll loose him at the lights...'

[Stickyfinger]

The quality of this thread is improving no end

I actually giggled at all the new posts since yesterday morning!

Keep it up, I need all the giggles I can get

I keep telling you, I will NOT post photos of me in my underwear !

[myglaren]

Mine are generally stolen from ARRSE.
Abandon all hope ye who enter there!

[Hell Razor5543]

There is a sign in a music school that reads;

"For the yodelling class please form an orderly orderly orderly queue".

[Hell Razor5543]

Not a joke, but both funny and endearing;

"Mel Blanc, who was the voice of Bugs Bunny, was in a serious car accident that ended up with him in a coma. After many unsuccessful attempt to bring him round the doctor asked 'Bugs, can you hear me?', to which Mel replied (in Bugs' voice) 'What's up, Doc?'. They used this technique to help bring him out of the coma."

Apparently he recorded a whole session of lines while still in a full body cast.

[mickthemaverick]

The quality of this thread is improving no end

I actually giggled at all the new posts since yesterday morning!

Keep it up, I need all the giggles I can get

I keep telling you, I will NOT post photos of me in my underwear !

Thank heaven for that!!

[Hell Razor5543]

The quality of this thread is improving no end

I actually giggled at all the new posts since yesterday morning!

Keep it up, I need all the giggles I can get

I keep telling you, I will NOT post photos of me in my underwear !

Argh! That would imply that you go commando!

[CitroJim]

That's properly put me off my breakfast

[myglaren]

Again, not a joke but RL.

I am slowly recovering from a nasty eye infection that has stopped me driving. So, last evening, Mrs. F used my car to collect one of the kids from his friends.
She called me as she started the return trip, about 15 miles, to say that the headlights were not working properly. I ran through a mental check list and ran it past her :
Are they turned on? Of course they are turned on! What do you think I am?
Are they dirty? There's a damp cloth in a bag in the center console. I know! I've used it!
Sorry dear, if it's a fuse I can't help you. Fine, I'll come home the back way.

25 minutes later they are home, it's as black as a witches tit outside but I managed to solve the problem by uttering the following;

Spoiler: show

"Why are you wearing sunglasses?"

[CitroJim]

^^^^

[Hell Razor5543]

A woman walks in to the and asks to buy some arsenic. The chemist asks her why she wants it, and she says that she is planning to kill her husband with it. The chemist tells her that he cannot sell her any arsenic. She reaches into her handbag and pulls out a photograph showing her husband in bed with the chemists' wife.

Spoiler: show

"You should have told me you had a prescription" he says.

[CitroJim]

^^^ Nice one James

[Hell Razor5543]

An elderly lady on a cruise liner goes to one of the various bars and orders a whisky with two drops of water. The barman passes her the drink, and as she is sipping it she says "Today is my 75th birthday". The barman congratulates her, makes another whisky with two drops of water in it and passes it to her saying "This one is on the house. Happy Birthday". She thanks him, and carries on sipping at her drinks. A couple of other people at the bar say that they would each like to buy her a drink to celebrate her birthday, and she thanks them, and each time she orders the same; a whisky with two drops of water in it. After a while the barman asks "Excuse me for asking, but why are you having a whisky with just two drops of water in it?". She smiles at him and replies;

Spoiler: show

"When you get to my age you find that holding your drink is easy. Holding your water, on the other hand..."

[Stickyfinger]

[Hell Razor5543]

The problem now exists that the two letters have been found together, and combined they make AI, making TEAM obsolete!