Joke I found funny...

[mickthemaverick]

I love the old ones:

A chap walks in to see the doctor:
"Doctor I need your help, I can't stop my hands shaking!"
"Do you drink much?" asks the doctor

Spoiler: show

"No sir, I spill most of it!"

[Huskyxantia]

Mary had a little lamb
Little boy blue blew his horn
Jack horner sat in a corner sticking his thumb in warm things...

Not being funny but..... Was there something I was missing ?

[Hell Razor5543]

Mary had a little lamb,
You've heard this tale before;
But did you know she passed her plate,
And had a little more!

When Mary had a little lamb,
The doctor was surprised.
But when Old MacDonald had a farm,
The doctor nearly died.

Little Boy Blue . . .
Because he needed the money.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I'm amnesiac,
And . . .

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
That's what they tell me,
Because I'm blind.

[Huskyxantia]

Mary had a little lamb,
You've heard this tale before;
But did you know she passed her plate,
And had a little more!

When Mary had a little lamb,
The doctor was surprised.
But when Old MacDonald had a farm,
The doctor nearly died.

Little Boy Blue . . .
Because he needed the money.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I'm amnesiac,
And . . .

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
That's what they tell me,
Because I'm blind.

[Huskyxantia]

After a visit to the local hospital I passed a room where a man was standing over a person face to face who had been found roaming lost very poorly amd who spoke a very very long lost language ,

The man in the bed burst out a string of words I'd never heard before I ran to the nuse station for help as the visitor of the man was in a right state and by time we all came back the man was gone.

I stood in the corridor to see if I could of been any sort of help and over heard head drs asking questions and the Dr understood the ancient words ..
So he asked the person whom was with the man in his final moments.
The chap stumbled out some werid words and here's what they were after the head Dr translated them

I'm feeling I'll, was The first translation, the second was I'm going to die , what about the last words he said before he passed said the man who was with him

Well said the head Dr.. He said your standing on my oxygen pipes...

[mickthemaverick]

There was a young fellow called Dave
Who found a dead whore in a cave
He said "It's disgusting
But only needs dusting
And think of the money I'll save!"

[moomoo]

One I heard recently tickled me...

A plumber went home after work and packed his bags whilst his wife looked on flabbergasted...

"What's going on Jim?" ...she asked..

The man looked at his wife and said ..."It's over Flo!"

[Huskyxantia]

One I heard recently tickled me...

A plumber went home after work and packed his bags whilst his wife looked on flabbergasted...

"What's going on Jim?" ...she asked..

The man looked at his wife and said ..."It's over Flo!"

Yes very clever like this

[moomoo]

One more then that's it...
A man is laid in bed in hospital after coming back from surgery....
He calls the nurse over and mumbles to her..."Are my testicles black?"
The nurse lifts his blanket and peeks gingerly..."No" she replies...
Ten minutes later another nurse is stood nearby so he beckons her...
"Are my testicles black?" he mumbles...the nurse has a peek and says "No theyre not."
Another ten minutes and he spots the ward sister and mumbles the same question...
The stern matron looks at him and asks him to speak up and to try to clear his throat.."Come now" she says ..." Clear]your throat...you've just had your larynx done."....
The man takes a deep breath ..Uhumm...Uhumm...as he clears his throat...
"ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?"

[Huskyxantia]

Above

[doctle]

Froggy went a courtin’ and he did ride, uh-huh
Froggy went a courtin’ and he did ride, uh-huh
Froggy went a courtin’ and he did ride
With a sword and a pistol by his side....

and not taking no for an answer

[myglaren]

[CitroJim]

Quality!

[myglaren]

Someone commented that it was a little short

[mickthemaverick]

The very thought is positively shocking!!