I explained that my iP4 had been gifted (unopened) to the old man because I was so utterly peeved off with them, it reminded me constantly of their shortcomings. It's always good to start off the conversation shirty and unapproachable. The rep couldn't stop talking about his iP5, although by his own admission he had no idea about multicore processors or different OS types.
As a sly dig, I suggested that being an Apple user, he probably drove a BMW. Bingo!
So, we ended up agreeing on a plan change, and they threw in another handset for $48. Lad wants help with his control arm bushes next, so I need to work out how desperately I could use a tablet...