Time for my second Kent anecdote, this one concerns the time when my sister had got married and they bought their first house in Biggin Hill to enable my second brother-in-law to maintain his employment as a bus driving instructor in Catford, South London. She asked Bob and I if we would hire a van and move her things down to Biggin Hill, calling in to her new husband's place to collect his stuff. We readily agreed because anything for a driving job, especially in a 3 tonner with tail lift!!
So on the appointed day we went and collected the van and then drove back to my parent's bungalow where she had been living and loaded all her stuff and furniture etc into the van. We then drove down to her husband's rented flat where we added the contents of his place to the load and closed the shutter and put up the tail lift for departure. As we were climbing into the cab he ran up to us calling "hold on, got a couple of bits in the shed, I'll just pop them in" "OK" said I and switched off the engine again while we waited. We heard the shutter go up, a couple of thumps and then the shutter close again. He walked along side to my door and said "OK away you go, here's the full address, see you there!" while handing me a postcard with the details on it.
WE set off with about an hour and a half to run and made reasonable progress round the north and south circular roads, crossing the Thames at Kew Bridge and eventually found ourselves on the outskirts of Biggin Hill. I pulled over into a layby so Bob could work out the address in the A to Z and then got under way with Bobnav working well. After some wriggling around we finally entered the top of their road and as we turned through a 90 left so we ran parallel to the main road we saw that we were at the top of a 1 in 3/4/5 hill down to the house. However that wasn't the worst part!! Within 20 yards the tarmac stopped and we pitched onto the worst unmade road I have ever come across, including the forest tracks I used to rally on!! We had no option as it was far too narrow to turn round so I gingerly released the brakes and we very slowly careered down the hill doing no more than walking pace but bouncing around more than the average trampolinist. Obviously after a few minutes we reached their house and pulled across the back entrance. Being a town house with kitchen diner and garage on the bottom then first floor lounge and one bedroom and two more bedrooms with the bathroom on the second floor, it meant we had to unload most of the contents into the garage for onward movement as they sorted themselves out.
So we both got out and walked down our respective sides to the back of the van where we faced each other with mutual looks of horror!! Dripping from under the tailgate was a thick white gooey looking liquid which had spread itself across two thirds of the crack and was ouzing out across the whole width. We dropped down the tail lift and raised the shutter to be greeted with a bed base and mattress dripping with the said white goo and a strong smell which we both instantly recognised!! Well who hasn't emulsioned a ceiling or two in their time?
However, my sister was not amused to say the least!!! Fortunately it was her new husband who had put the two 5 litre cans in there, the afterthoughts from the shed, so when I explained that we would never have loaded them without taping the lids she directed her wrath on him!!
Great way to start married life in your new home!
It transpired that both cans had popped their lids, presumably while undergoing the trampoline training as we came down the hill because most of the paint was still in the van. Luckily one good thing for us was that it was water based brilliant white emulsion, so we were able to unload and then pressure wash the van clean before returning it and losing our security deposit. My brother-in-law did not get off so lightly having to buy a new bed and mattress, a kitchen table which had soaked paint up its legs and a new rotary washing line because my sister insisted!! The final straw was that when we left the following morning we carried on down the road which had full tarmac from about 10 yards past their house all the way back round to the main road. Had he told us about that we would never have had the problem but I didn't dare point that out to my sister as we can't stand the sight of blood!!
