Life on the edge - the Diary of a C5

[myglaren]

Otterchops yearns to be an autonomous Volvo

Another even more autonomous one

From "Top Gear" magazine

[GiveMeABreak]

Well, all I can say is when the 'trash-compacting, head-on' collision occurs, it'll save on a full length coffin - perhaps a new form of 'Economy Mode' feature from Volvo.

[Xantianut]

Hello, Friends,

Granpapa is Not Well and has had to be placed in Respite Care. Just as well because lifting him has put Papa's back out completely so he cannot even get comfy in ME!!! He can get his bum comfy but then his shoulders are out. If his shoulders are comfy then his bum isn't.

Does this mean Papa has a twisted chassis? How will he mend that???

Love

Otterchops

[Xantianut]

That Volvo with the bed for a driving seat is scary by the way!!!!

[Xantianut]

Hello, Friends.

Grand papa sadly passed away but plenty of people came for his funeral. Papa had flu but got up at the Service to read a little eulogy that made people smile. I stayed at home, but at least the hearse and limo were realatives - Vauxhalls.

Christmas shopping was its usual fearful experience. Mad drivers and that was just in the supermarket car park! Like Papa, I looked at the piled trolleys and wondered how much of that was going to land fill in a few weeks. The shops will only be closed one day!!!!

Meanwhile Papa has tucked me in to my driveway with a nice warm blankie for the Christmas period. He does look after me! Oh, and he has shaken off the flu. I am glad Papamdoes not drive me when he is feeling very rough. Keeps my sleek and stylish bodywork sleek and stylish.

Love

Otterchops

Xx

[Hell Razor5543]

Otterchops, do you have aero wiper blades, or the older style?

[Xantianut]

Hello, Uncle James.

He did buy me some old fashioned ones but said they were rubbish so bought some aero ones. They last over a year!!!!

[myglaren]

I bought some Aero ones for the previous C5 and was disappointed, they lasted about six months.
I keep meaning to replace the ones on the current heap but never get around to it, they are the ones that were there when I bought the car six years ago and are still OK really.

I did go to the local car bits shop not long after I bought it. He wouldn't sell me any, said all it needed was Glasgae Brandy.*
Took a bottle of the same and cleaned the screen and wipers with it - job done!






*Meths - and the bloke is Scottish.

[Xantianut]

Papa will try that.

He uses it to put transfers on his model trains. He's strange like that......

[jsp]

That Volvo with the bed for a driving seat is scary by the way!!!!

Too scary to sit it let alone lie in.

[Xantianut]

Hello, Friends.

My People are getting by nicely as I am. One slight fly in the Old Fool's ointment was my solitary clock bulb failing. I only ever have had one fitted, with two empty holes!

Well, Papa scared the living daylights out of the postman by catching the parcel while shouting "OWZAT!!!!" When they arrived. This has happened a few times this week. The postie has some new grey hairs.......

[Xantianut]

Hello, Friends!

I've not been writing much because I am being a Very Good Girl, sipping diesel and being reliable. I did throw the old fool a curve ball last week by only starting on 2 cylinders and coughing up a cloud of white smoke. But just the once. I hate making smoke.

We have been to 2 of the Severn Valley Diesel Gala days (3 in total) and I still want that English Electric 16SVT which was the cleanest engine I saw. Bit big though, but who wouldn't want a 2,000hp engine.

Papa is grateful for my powerful air conditioning to keep him cool, although Classic FM works well on him too.

Toodly bye!!!!

Otterchops

PS - can anyone think of another curve ball I can throw the old fool? Nice to keep him on his toes....

[Xantianut]

Well, really!

Papa says I am an ungrateful little minx!

It is not my fault the OBD dashboard instrument he bought was for a petrol car rather than a proper diesel so I was having none of that!!!!

Now he is hitting me with a BIG hammer as he tries to change my steering lock!!! OUCHEROONIES!!!!!!!

[Xantianut]

Ay up!!

Serious question from Papa here. Fifi has the OBD2 16-pin connector and talks to Lexia just fine (most of the time anyway!) so would a 52 plate Diesel C5 have a different OBD protocol to a petrol version?

[Hell Razor5543]

I have a curve ball for you Otterchops, but Papa needs to do it right for him to get worried. If he were to park the wipers in the 'service' position, do whatever he needs to do, turns the ignition on, dab the wipers back to their normal position (this next bit is important, as it is down to the timing) and, while they are moving, start the engine, the wipers will then stop mid-sweep and remain their until he pulls the relevant fuse.

Guess how I found this out!

Oh, tell Papa that, unless the device was designed for a PSA vehicle it is unlikely to work, as French cars are a law unto themselves.