Life on the edge - the Diary of a C5

Tell us your ongoing tales and experiences with your French car here. Post pictures of your car here as well.

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Xantianut
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Re: The diary of a C5

Post by Xantianut »

Hello, friends!

Papa is all covered in grease!

Two parcels have arrived chez Otterchops. The first contained 2 new calliper screws which Papa fitted to replace a bolt he had bought that would do the job, The second contained a set of pry bars. Papa selected the biggest one (typical!) and started to probe my front suspension. He has discovered that the rear bush on my left hand wishbone is "past it's best" and requires fixing, I do hope that this does not mean hammer time! Although Papa does have a very good toolkit.

The impact gun be bought is USELESS! It cannot even tighten up my wheel bolts properly and, on the way home from Lichfield yesterday, he had to stop and tighten them, using the impact gun, then found the wheel was flapping again when we got home. It really is as useful as an inflatable dartboard! Papa has muttered a lot of very naughty words.

I do not fancy his chances when the Wallet finds out!

I still clonk a bit but nowhere near as badly as I did so he has made progress. I look forward to seeing him covered in oil again soon!

Love

Otterchops!
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Stickyfinger
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Re: The diary of a C5

Post by Stickyfinger »

Did Papa adjust the torque setting wheel on the Impact Gun ?........(if it has one?)
Hell Razor5543
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Re: The diary of a C5

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

Otterchops, tell Daddy that, next time I spot either Lidl or Aldi are doing torque wrenches I will let him know here. They are normally very good quality, and (at about £16 each) even that Yorkshire Wallet shouldn't scream (whimper, maybe, but not scream!). They normally come with an extension bar, an adaptor, and the last time I saw them they also had 17, 19, and 21mm sockets.

By the way, IIRC the torque settings on your wheel bolts is 90nm.
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Xantianut
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Re: The diary of a C5

Post by Xantianut »

Hello, friends.

His "bargain from eBay" cost £60 and barely beat finger tightness on the nuts. And t has no wheel on it. I asked Papa, he said not. Followed by words I shall not trouble you with, he used his proper torque wrench (2 meters
Long!) which worked.

He says he'll stick with it. We'll see.......
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Xantianut
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Re: The diary of a C5

Post by Xantianut »

Hello, Friends!

I went to North Wales yesterday so I am being allowed to put my feet up until tea time when Papa,will be driving me for fish and chips. Their elderly cat's appetite is dropping right off so hope a bit of fish will tempt her.

Anyway, the trip to Wales is lovely, a long drive along nice, straight roads at 70mph does my turbo the world of good and doesn't hurt my fuel economy either! Then for the last 5 miles it's a good, old fashioned mountain road blast round tight curves and up and down sharp rises. Papa is very glad I have good brakes at times like this!!!! And I saw summat that I rarely see on my grim Yorkshire papa's face. A smile. He did not find his tripod but he did find some nice model trains so he's a happy old Papa,

He also likes the sound my big, powerful engine makes I think but we'll keep that quiet, eh?
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CitroJim
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Re: The diary of a C5

Post by CitroJim »

I have to agree that North Wales is a lovely place :D

The hill are epic and I'd love to ride them on my bike...

Do enjoy the fish!
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Xantianut
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Re: The diary of a C5

Post by Xantianut »

Hello, Friends.

Chez Otterchops is in mourning tonight. Rosie has had to be put to sleep, she had a stroke in the night, 20 is a good age for a cat and I liked both her and her sister, JImJim, who passed away in the autumn,

To try and stop himself brooding, Daddy has been messing with a computer, trying to get Lexia onto it. He has now got a DVD drive,but the 'puter is too slow to download anything. Papa has said "oh, dear, how tiresome" or summat similar. He has bought some stuff to try and sort the computer and all I have to say is God help that Wallet if it tries anything tonight,

PAPA!!!! I did not know he KNEW such words! I hear the Wallet squealing, furniture smashing.

Ooh, iPad is watching, [gulp]
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Xantianut
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Re: The diary of a C5

Post by Xantianut »

Hello, Friends,

Papa, to stop himself brooding, has been trying to get my Lexia working, I heard the swears. In fact, most of Wolverhampton has heard the swears! Jules, the laptop, has told me he does not have enough memory to run Lexia and he cannot be upgraded any more. He has his maximum of 256 something or others! So Jules will become a dedicated photography type laptop,

Papa has bought a cheap Toshiba laptop that needs work to be a Lexia machine. His Wallet has growled but not attacked so it MUST have been cheap! He is polishing his 4lb hammer as we speak.

He is also fixing a friend's car. The fuel flap has stuck on a VW Golf :lolhit: so Papa has been working out how to fix it. He has also consulted his German swear words, although my Bosch engine management system tells me there nothing wrong with his profane vocabulary! He can also swear fluently in French......
Hell Razor5543
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Re: The diary of a C5

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

OK, Otterchops, that explains it. That laptop had 256 megabytes of memory. Translating it into car terms, it would be like you trying to go somewhere with a 10HP engine (not very likely). I hope the Toshiba has a decent amount of memory, as that will help.
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Xantianut
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Re: The diary of a C5

Post by Xantianut »

Hehehehehehehe!

That stopped him fixing that OTHER car! I simply refused to start. This did lead to Papa extracting the Hammer from my cavernous boot but he has not used it as yet. However, he thinks it may be my lift pump, thanks to all the help he got on here from you, my friends. Your help has saved me from A Fate Worse Than Death. The 4lb Hammer!!!!

He is threatening to do all sorts of things to me tomorrow. I shall do my best.......
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Xantianut
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Re: The diary of a C5

Post by Xantianut »

Hello, friends.

I am so glad Papa does not smoke. He did try to mend my fuel pump but he diagnosed it as knackered. This is a technical term in plain Yorkshire. When he removed the feed pipe from the pump to my engine, it was dry so clearly there lies the problem. I wondered why I was hungry. Anyway, while doing this he got well coated in diesel fuel. I think he smells very nice indeed, good enough to eat almost, but he seems to find the smell revolting and has gone to change.

Humans are strange......

Just waiting for the new part to arrive, Tuesday hopefully. Then for some fun!
Hell Razor5543
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Re: The diary of a C5

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

Should be fun to watch. NO wheelies however, as he won't be able to see where you are going, and that might worry him somewhat more than having to deal with a hungry Yorkshire Wallet!
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CitroJim
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Re: The diary of a C5

Post by CitroJim »

Even if he did smoke he'd find diesel very hard to burn outside of your engine! You compress it to make it burn and however good he is he can't do that...

Now petrol is an entirely different matter....
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Xantianut
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Re: The diary of a C5

Post by Xantianut »

Sadly, my Papa is still in petrol mode.

Can anyone educate him, or will the need to come down to his level induce vertigo?

Oh, oh, he heard that!!!!
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Xantianut
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Re: The diary of a C5

Post by Xantianut »

Hello, Friends!

It took three good soaks in baths to remove the smell of diesel from his person and I really do not know why he has bothered seeing as in a couple of days, he will be gently marinaded in it again when he fits my new fuel pump.

He has refitted the old one, just to seal the large hole in the top of my tank, just in case. He also says that this will reduce the reek of diesel in the cabin. I think diesel smells nice although it does make my tum rumble.

I do wish he would sort that fizzing Lexia out though, I need a session, urgently! He tells me the bits to do it should arrive Tuesday or Wednesday. Then the swears will start.

He is polishing his hammer just in case.......