Joke I found funny...

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Hell Razor5543
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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Years ago, in a Middle Eastern country, the culture had the 'rule' that women, whenever they went out, had to be accompanied my a male of the household, and had to walk 5 paces behind them. This was not a legal thing but a cultural thing. Women who did not follow this tradition were insulted, spat at, and (on some occasions) had stones thrown at them (and the law did not do anything about it).

Then a women's rights activist arrived in the country and (slowly and steadily) managed to make slight differences. She always used reasonable arguments ("What if the only male was seriously ill, and needed medical help? If the women of the house could not get help he could die"; "Suppose the only male was away on business and the household ran low on food?"; "What if he and she wanted to talk while they were out? They didn't want to have to shout to each other"). Eventually it was commonplace to see couples walking together talking about things, and single women getting the shopping (and so on).

Then there is a serious conflict and, for their safety, all foreigners leave the country. Eventually the conflict is over and the country becomes safe to return to. The activist goes back and is horrified to see that things are far worse then when she was last there. Women only go out with men, are 10 or more paces behind, with their heads bowed submissively, looking at the ground. The activist cannot get any woman to explain to her why there has be such a massive backwards step for Women's Rights in the country, until she finally sees a woman (out with her husband, 20 paces behind) that she got on well with and who had been a major part of the campaign. This woman does talk to her (although she seems distracted; avidly watching her husband). The activist asks "What is going on? You were able to go out on your own, and walk alongside your husband. Why has there been such a massive change?".

The woman quickly looks around, mutters one word into the activists' ear and then hurries off after her husband, following precisely in his footsteps;
Spoiler: show
"Landmines!"
Last edited by Hell Razor5543 on 18 Mar 2020, 08:33, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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Re: Joke I found funny...

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Sent by a friend!!
Sent by a friend!!
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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I put this in as a reply to another answer in this thread, but it suddenly doesn’t seem so British. Allow me to explain.

In France recently, we were in a Mall in Coquelles shopping and were slightly lost trying to find a particular store. In desperation, I stopped the first person that passed and asked, in my best broken French, the way.

She looked a little confused, and her companion says to her something along the lines of “They’re English!”

“English?” she says to me, I nod.

She looks furtively about, then sidles up to me real close, and whispers…

“Listen very carefully, I’ll say zis only once!”
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity
shop to get all her clothes back.
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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I was a very happy man.
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year so we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me..
It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was Bra-less.
She would regularly bend down when she was near me. I always got more than a nice view.
It had to be deliberate, she never did it around anyone else.

One day she called me and asked me to come over.
'To check my Sister's wedding- invitations' she said.

She was alone when I arrived.
she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me and she couldn't overcome them anymore.

She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married.
She said "Before you commit your life to my sister".

Well, I was in total shock, and I couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, if you want one last wild fling, just come up and have me".

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

I stood there for a moment..
Then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door.
I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me.
He said, 'Sergio, we are very happy that you have passed our little test.
We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter.
Welcome to the family my son..'

And the moral of this story is:
Spoiler: show
Always keep your condoms in your car.
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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I know somebody who (because of the Coronavirus) asked his boss if he could work from home. His boss did not say no, but asked "Can you operate a JCB from a third floor flat?".
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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Re: Joke I found funny...

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I was in town yesterday, and I saw a queue about half a mile long outside B&M (rumour was they had had a large delivery of toilet rolls). Still, it wasn't that bad; there were only 10 people in the queue.
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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New Seat Belt law
This becomes effective April 1, 2020 .
The National Road Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt.
Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 98%
WHEN:

1) the belt is properly installed.
2) Correct Installation as is illustrated below.......
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Emailed to me
Emailed to me
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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Re: Joke I found funny...

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Did anyone bring.jpg
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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For social distancing reasons.jpg
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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From today's Grauniad, Letters . . .
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Panadol also has a generic name of Paracetamol. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Nurofen is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for little blue pills. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that the little blue pills will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day:

There is more money being spent on breast implants and little blue pills today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.