Joke I found funny...

[Paul-R]

How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. They're efficient and not very funny.

How many midgets does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. With a step ladder. They're short, not stupid.

How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just let it burn out and follow it around for a few decades.

How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb?
Sex.

How many computer scientists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. That is a hardware issue.

[Paul-R]

Sorry. I am deeply ashamed of myself for giving in to my base instincts.

[CitroJim]

Sorry. I am deeply ashamed of myself for giving in to my base instincts.

That's funnier than the jokes Don't get me wrong, they're very good but that comment is priceless Paul

[Hell Razor5543]

How many IT hardware engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

After he has finished having a go at the computer scientists...

[NewcastleFalcon]

The Pickled Egg likes to see itself as an inclusive place, not just a good old fashioned boozer.

Occassionally the Landlord will screen a family film in the Snug.

He was a bit concerned the other day, when instead of "Frozen" he was sent

"Return of the Killer T-Bags"

Luckily it was a PG

Regards Neil

[CitroJim]

"Return of the Killer T-Bags"

Luckily it was a PG

[Karata]

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don’t know if it’s in yet."
"Yeah, that’s the one!"

[Hell Razor5543]

Avoid dangerous cults.
Practise safe sects.

[myglaren]

[CitroJim]

26804621_1782536918432337_3464540227067415637_n.jpg

Nice, I like that... Clever

[Hell Razor5543]

Every night I forget where the sun rises. Then it dawns on me!

[Karata]

...

I was the only speaker to show up, so I had the stage to myself. I talked about staying in school,getting good grades and all that usual bullshit; and since I had plenty of time because those other guys didn't show, I threw it open for questions. The last one asked was, "Can you give us a couple of your life's philosophical beliefs?"

I said, "That's an easy one. Looking back over my lifetime, I've spent most of my money on guns, airplanes, fast cars, women and whiskey. The rest I just wasted."

I was escorted out without getting to finish my last two rules to live by:
1) If it flies, floats, or fu*ks, it's cheaper to rent it.
2) If it's got tits or tires, you're gonna have problems with it.

I hope they invite me back next year so I can finish They need to know this sh*t!

[MikeT]

It was an honest mistake as I was focused on trying to repair a broken vase.
When she asked for her lip balm, I passed her the superglue instead.
She hasn't spoken to me since.

[MikeT]

Mind you, I wasn't in her best books the week before.
I was watching one of those fly-on-the-wall programs filmed inside a hospital.
She said "I would hate it if I ended up in a vegetative state, tethered to a machine all the time and being drip-fed liquids from a bottle"
To which I got up, turfed her off the couch, snatched her phone out of her hands and tipped her wine down the drain.

[Gibbo2286]

Your superglue story was true in my mates house Mike, his wife had earache and he mistook the earex for the superglue, made worse by popping some cotton wool in, she spent a couple of hours at the doctors with a nurse picking out the cotton wool with tweezers and flushing it out with syringes full of warm water.

It took a fortnight of natural skin shedding to get it all out.