Joke I found funny...

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Paul-R
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Re: Marc's X7, Rants, Raves & Everything Else

Post by Paul-R »

How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. They're efficient and not very funny.

How many midgets does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. With a step ladder. They're short, not stupid.

How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just let it burn out and follow it around for a few decades.

How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb?
Sex.

How many computer scientists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. That is a hardware issue.
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Paul-R
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Re: Marc's X7, Rants, Raves & Everything Else

Post by Paul-R »

Sorry. I am deeply ashamed of myself for giving in to my base instincts.
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CitroJim
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Re: Marc's X7, Rants, Raves & Everything Else

Post by CitroJim »

Paul-R wrote:
04 Dec 2018, 11:03
Sorry. I am deeply ashamed of myself for giving in to my base instincts.


That's funnier than the jokes :lol: Don't get me wrong, they're very good but that comment is priceless Paul :D
Hell Razor5543
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

How many IT hardware engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

After he has finished having a go at the computer scientists...
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NewcastleFalcon
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by NewcastleFalcon »

The Pickled Egg likes to see itself as an inclusive place, not just a good old fashioned boozer.

Occassionally the Landlord will screen a family film in the Snug.

He was a bit concerned the other day, when instead of "Frozen" he was sent

"Return of the Killer T-Bags"

Luckily it was a PG

Regards Neil
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CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by CitroJim »

NewcastleFalcon wrote:
04 Dec 2018, 14:53

"Return of the Killer T-Bags"

Luckily it was a PG


:rofl2: :rofl2:
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Library

Post by Karata »

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don’t know if it’s in yet."
"Yeah, that’s the one!"
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

Avoid dangerous cults.
Practise safe sects.
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myglaren
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

26804621_1782536918432337_3464540227067415637_n.jpg
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CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by CitroJim »

myglaren wrote:
10 Dec 2018, 12:15
26804621_1782536918432337_3464540227067415637_n.jpg
Image


Nice, I like that... Clever :D
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

Every night I forget where the sun rises. Then it dawns on me!
Karata
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An Old Pilots Wisdom

Post by Karata »

myglaren wrote:
10 Dec 2018, 12:15
...


Image


I was the only speaker to show up, so I had the stage to myself. I talked about staying in school,getting good grades and all that usual bullshit; and since I had plenty of time because those other guys didn't show, I threw it open for questions. The last one asked was, "Can you give us a couple of your life's philosophical beliefs?"

I said, "That's an easy one. Looking back over my lifetime, I've spent most of my money on guns, airplanes, fast cars, women and whiskey. The rest I just wasted."

I was escorted out without getting to finish my last two rules to live by:
1) If it flies, floats, or fu*ks, it's cheaper to rent it.
2) If it's got tits or tires, you're gonna have problems with it.

I hope they invite me back next year so I can finish They need to know this sh*t!
MikeT
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by MikeT »

It was an honest mistake as I was focused on trying to repair a broken vase.
When she asked for her lip balm, I passed her the superglue instead.
She hasn't spoken to me since.
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by MikeT »

Mind you, I wasn't in her best books the week before.
I was watching one of those fly-on-the-wall programs filmed inside a hospital.
She said "I would hate it if I ended up in a vegetative state, tethered to a machine all the time and being drip-fed liquids from a bottle"
To which I got up, turfed her off the couch, snatched her phone out of her hands and tipped her wine down the drain.
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Gibbo2286 »

Your superglue story was true in my mates house Mike, his wife had earache and he mistook the earex for the superglue, made worse by popping some cotton wool in, she spent a couple of hours at the doctors with a nurse picking out the cotton wool with tweezers and flushing it out with syringes full of warm water.

It took a fortnight of natural skin shedding to get it all out.