Joke I found funny...
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Re: Joke I found funny...
^^^ Chris
I had similar with my own dad...
And so will my kids
I had similar with my own dad...
And so will my kids
Jim
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Re: Joke I found funny...
^^
Jim
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Re: Joke I found funny...
Donald Trump is walking out of the White House and heading toward his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun. A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.
Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?”
Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous. I meant to shout “Donald, Duck!”
Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?”
Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous. I meant to shout “Donald, Duck!”
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Re: Joke I found funny...
what's the difference between a chick pea and a lentil, you wouldn't pay £20 for a lentil on your face.
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Re: Joke I found funny...
Standup comic on the topic of his latest car - a people carrier
Getting a people carrier is like the equivalent of wearing Cordroy slacks....
It's a sign to the world you've give up....
You just want some comfort and space.
"I made a mistake you will only make once. Poured petrol into a diesel car"....
It's like pouring gin into a woman....
Because you know at some point during the evening, she's going to break down.
The RAC turned up, and we all know they don't do anything subtle....
They turn up in a great big bright orange van with big orange flashing lights....
They turn up like this so that people in passing cars and planes know you're a d**k-head.
Getting a people carrier is like the equivalent of wearing Cordroy slacks....
It's a sign to the world you've give up....
You just want some comfort and space.
"I made a mistake you will only make once. Poured petrol into a diesel car"....
It's like pouring gin into a woman....
Because you know at some point during the evening, she's going to break down.
The RAC turned up, and we all know they don't do anything subtle....
They turn up in a great big bright orange van with big orange flashing lights....
They turn up like this so that people in passing cars and planes know you're a d**k-head.
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Re: Joke I found funny...
^^ Mike, that's excellent! The first two are so true but the third... Well, no, not all breakdowns are down to stupidity...
Jim
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Re: Joke I found funny...
I was in a charity shop, looking at the books section when I saw one with a title that I just HAD to buy. It is a compendium of jokes. The title?
A Dyslexic walks into a Bra!
A Dyslexic walks into a Bra!
James
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Re: Joke I found funny...
James, was he the same one who suffered insomnia and lay awake at night wondering if there was a dog?
Jim
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Re: Joke I found funny...
Probably, Jim.
One day, early in the history of the Earth, God decides he wants Adam and Eve to populate the Earth. To get them warming up he tells Adam to kiss Eve. Adam asks "What is a kiss?", which God then explains. Adam leads Eve behind a bush, and after a few minutes Adam reappears and says "Thank you Lord, that was most enjoyable".
Then God tells Adam to caress Eve. Adam asks "What is a caress?", which God also explains. They go behind the bush again, and after ten minutes or so Adam comes back out, saying "Thank you Lord, that was even more enjoyable".
Finally God tells Adam to make love to Eve. Adam asks the inevitable question, and God explains. Adam goes behind the bush, but re-appears after a few seconds, asking "Lord, what is a headache?".
---
God has almost finished creating the Universe and all within when he finds there are a couple of things left over. He calls by The Garden of Eden and tells them he has a couple of useful things left over, and they can have one each. "The first one is the ability to pee standing up" the Lord says "which, while it does not sound very interesting, could be useful".
Adam starts jumping up and down saying that he wants that ability. God asks Eve if that is OK with her, to which Eve wearily replies "Well, if it makes him happy he can have it".
God then says "OK, Adam, you now have the ability to pee standing up. Now, what was the other ability? Oh, yes, multiple orgasms..."
One day, early in the history of the Earth, God decides he wants Adam and Eve to populate the Earth. To get them warming up he tells Adam to kiss Eve. Adam asks "What is a kiss?", which God then explains. Adam leads Eve behind a bush, and after a few minutes Adam reappears and says "Thank you Lord, that was most enjoyable".
Then God tells Adam to caress Eve. Adam asks "What is a caress?", which God also explains. They go behind the bush again, and after ten minutes or so Adam comes back out, saying "Thank you Lord, that was even more enjoyable".
Finally God tells Adam to make love to Eve. Adam asks the inevitable question, and God explains. Adam goes behind the bush, but re-appears after a few seconds, asking "Lord, what is a headache?".
---
God has almost finished creating the Universe and all within when he finds there are a couple of things left over. He calls by The Garden of Eden and tells them he has a couple of useful things left over, and they can have one each. "The first one is the ability to pee standing up" the Lord says "which, while it does not sound very interesting, could be useful".
Adam starts jumping up and down saying that he wants that ability. God asks Eve if that is OK with her, to which Eve wearily replies "Well, if it makes him happy he can have it".
God then says "OK, Adam, you now have the ability to pee standing up. Now, what was the other ability? Oh, yes, multiple orgasms..."
James
ex BX 1.9
ex Xantia 2.0HDi SX
ex Xantia 2.0HDi LX
Ex C5 2.0HDi VTR
Ex C5 2.0HDi VTR
C5 2.2HDi VTX+
Yes, I am paranoid, but am I paranoid ENOUGH?
Out amongst the stars, looking for a world of my own!
ex BX 1.9
ex Xantia 2.0HDi SX
ex Xantia 2.0HDi LX
Ex C5 2.0HDi VTR
Ex C5 2.0HDi VTR
C5 2.2HDi VTX+
Yes, I am paranoid, but am I paranoid ENOUGH?
Out amongst the stars, looking for a world of my own!
- CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...
^^^
James, two there of absolute top quality
James, two there of absolute top quality
Jim
Runner, cyclist, time triallist, duathlete, Citroen AX fan and the CCC Citroenian 'From A to Z' Columnist...
Runner, cyclist, time triallist, duathlete, Citroen AX fan and the CCC Citroenian 'From A to Z' Columnist...