Joke I found funny...

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MikeT
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by MikeT »

Following the lawlessness after Hurricane Katrina...
Lotters.jpg
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daviemck2006
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by daviemck2006 »

So I'm at Pets at Home buying a bag of dog food for my dog 🐶
While in the queue, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog 🤔 Why else would I be buying dog food?
So being top notch with the banter I told her "No, I don't have a dog, I'm starting my Dog Food Diet again" and that I probably really shouldn't because the last time, I had ended up in hospital, in intensive care with IV's in both arms and tubes coming out of most orifices. But I had lost 3 stone in 4 Weeks!
I told her that it was essentially the Perfect Diet and all you have to do is load your pockets with handfuls of dry dog food and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. I get the 'Complete' food as it is nutritionally balanced, so it works really well, and I decided that I was going to give it another go.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was now enthralled with my story)
Horrified, she asked if I had ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her "No, I stepped off a curb to sniff a Cocker Spaniel's arse and a lorry hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Now that you've read this I have to confess, I stole it from another page! Now go make someone else laugh 😂😂😂
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CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by CitroJim »

:lol: That is brilliant 😊
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Stickyfinger
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Stickyfinger »

It was a quiet day on the ark, so a bored Noah told his wife that he was going fishing. He collected all his equipment and set off, but thirty minutes later he was back, still complaining that he was bored.
'What are you doing back so soon?' Asked his wife.
'If you're that bored, why did you stop fishing after only half an hour?'
Noah said:' I only had two worms.'
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CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by CitroJim »

That one made me giggle but very quietly given the time of the morning :)

I'm up but I'm sure nobody else is....
Hell Razor5543
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

How many weeks does each year start out with?
Spoiler: show
46 weeks, because the other six are Lent!
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Stickyfinger
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Stickyfinger »

FACEBOOK WARNING ...
If you get a link called 'Free p**n' don't open it and certainly do not watch the movies in thewe ?!!#*
It is a birus wich deactivate you spellchick and garblis up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dont does p**n so I dint opin it.
Warn al1 you vriends!! ...
MikeT
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by MikeT »

I farted in a lift once.

It was wrong, on so many levels!
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CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by CitroJim »

Oh, Mike... Thanks enormously for a huge laugh on this not such a good morning...

My knee is bad again and I'm off to see the physio :(

Reason I'm sad is this could put a large dent in my running career :evil:
MikeT
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by MikeT »

CitroJim wrote:
13 Feb 2018, 09:31
Oh, Mike... Thanks enormously for a huge laugh on this not such a good morning...

My knee is bad again and I'm off to see the physio :(

Reason I'm sad is this could put a large dent in my running career :evil:


I'm reminded of my motorcycle training against target fixation. It shows that if you fixate on the car that just pulled out in front of you, guess where you actually end up?
Focus elsewhere and miraculously, the outcome is a much happier one! :idea:
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CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by CitroJim »

MikeT wrote:
13 Feb 2018, 10:33
CitroJim wrote:
13 Feb 2018, 09:31
Oh, Mike... Thanks enormously for a huge laugh on this not such a good morning...

My knee is bad again and I'm off to see the physio :(

Reason I'm sad is this could put a large dent in my running career :evil:


I'm reminded of my motorcycle training against target fixation. It shows that if you fixate on the car that just pulled out in front of you, guess where you actually end up?
Focus elsewhere and miraculously, the outcome is a much happier one! :idea:



My outcome is much happier Mike... Physio diagnosed a very tight IT Band. Not serious and not running-threatening... I must keep cycling and swimming to maintain my cardio whilst it recovers...

Enjoyed the massage too :)

All for £34... Bloody excellent value :D
MarcTs
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by MarcTs »

Found this funny house in Italy
Image
https://tranio.com/italy/adt/1649499/
What did they think when they were building it, like "I am so special, will surprise all the neighbourhood" :-D . Anyway they are trying to sell this "piece of art" now. Let's see who will be the weird lucky guy.
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CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by CitroJim »

MarcTs wrote:
16 Feb 2018, 08:45
Found this funny house in Italy


:roll: :lol: Looks like they were inspired by a cactus!
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Stickyfinger
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Stickyfinger »

James Bond is laid off and at the job centre, there are only two jobs available, one in a call centre and the other in a fabric colouring plant.

"Huh, " said Bond, "you expect me to talk?"

"No Mr Bond, " replied the interviewer, "I expect you to dye. "
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CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by CitroJim »

:lol: That's a good one Alasdair...