Joke I found funny...

[daviemck2006]

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[CitroJim]

^^^

[daviemck2006]

I am 53 years old and I have so many unanswered questions!!!! I still haven't found out who let the Dogs Out...where's the beef...how to get to Sesame Street... why Dora doesn't jus t use Google Maps...Why do all flavors of fruit loops taste exactly the same, or how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop......why eggs are packaged in a flimsy paper carton, but batteries are secured in plastic that's tough as nails, yet light bulbs too are in a flimsy carton... Ever buy scissors? You need scissors to cut into the packaging of scissors... i still don't understand why there is Braille on drive up ATM's or why "abbreviated" is such a long word; or why is there a D in 'fridge' but not in refrigerator... why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor yet dish-washing liquid is made with real lemons... why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections... and, why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts" where's that extra penny going... why do The Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune... why did you just try to sing those two previous songs... and just what is Victoria's secret? ....and what would you do for a Klondike bar and you know as soon as you bite into it it falls apart...and Why do we drive on Parkways and park on Driveways? do you really think I am this witty?? ... I actually got this from a friend, who stole it from her brother's girlfriend's, uncle's cousin's, baby momma's doctor who lived next door to an old class mate's mail man...Now it is your turn to take it from me...Peace!!

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[myglaren]

Subject: When God Created Yorkshire

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired, "Where have you been?"

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it.

I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.

"For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor.

Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things."

God continued pointing to different countries.

"This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"

"That's Yorkshire , the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people from Yorkshire are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things"

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance."

God smiled, "Right next to Yorkshire is Lancashire .. Wait till you see the idiots I put there!"

[CitroJim]

Steve, I like that one...

[myglaren]

C&P Jim, never fails

[TigerOne]

BAD DRIVER -
Cop- sir do you realize how badly you were switching lanes?
Guy- sorry officer, I'm drunk as f...
Cop-that's not a valid reason to let your girlfriend drive the car

[TigerOne]

Sorry Ladies

[daviemck2006]

A man went to Harley Street in London, having seen an
advert for a Gynaecologist Assistant.

Knowing that nowadays, job advertisers aren't able to discriminate
against the applicant's gender, he was very interested, so he
went in and asked the secretary for details.

She retrieved the file and read to him: "This job entails preparing ladies for the Gynaecologist. You will be responsible for helping them out of their underwear, laying them down and carefully washing their private areas, applying shaving foam to the necessary parts and removing all unwanted foliage, and finally, you'll be required to rub in soothing oils, in preparation for the Gynaecologist's examination.”

Then She told him “The annual salary is £65,000 and if you're interested, you'll have to go to Aberdeen".

"My goodness!", exclaimed the man, "Is that where the job is?".

She answered, "No , that's where the end of the queue is..."

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[superloopy]

Nice one Davie ... punchline made me 'LOL' much to SWMBOs bemusement. Did i share it with her? Not on my life [emoji3]

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[myglaren]

[elma]

6. made me giggle.

[CitroJim]

LOL at all of those.... Love it!

[Stickyfinger]

A really good Guy I have known for ages died today of Pre Menstrual Tension







His Wife shot him

[CitroJim]