Joke I found funny...

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Hell Razor5543
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

Fake Concern wrote:Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath…. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
Erm, I got there first (page 19)!
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

A group of social researchers decided to record all the tribal dances from around the world. After several years they finish off in Australia. They start celebrating the completion of their task in a local watering hole. One of the locals ask what they are celebrating, and they explain that they have managed to record every tribal dance from every country in the world. An aboriginal, upon hearing this, asks "Have you got the Putcha Dance?" They check their database, and are horrified to discover that they don't. "I thought not" he said "as there is only one tribe who do this dance, and they only do it once a year". He then gives them directions to this tribe.

The researchers manage to meet up with this tribe, and ask about the 'Putcha Dance'. "You are in luck" says the chieftain "we are going to dance this Dance tomorrow. You are welcome to watch and record it, but you must not say anything or make any sounds during the Dance, in case it distracts the Holy Spirits. A distracted Holy Spirit is worse than an angry one, as they do not know what they should do next". The researchers agree to this, and get their equipment set up for the following day.

As the time of the Dance approaches, the tribe arrange themselves in a large circle around the central fire pit. As the sun touches the horizon they hush for a moment, and then some start pounding on drums, while the rest of the tribe start chanting 'Putcha Dance! Putcha Dance'. As the sun disappears below the horizon a shout goes up from the shamans' hut, and the rest of the tribe goes quiet (other than the drums). The shaman dances out from his hut, and into the circle, whereupon he dances around the circle twice without making any sound (other than his footfalls). At this point the moon makes an appearance, and the shaman faces the moon, pauses, and then starts singing.

"You put your left arm in, your left arm out".....
Last edited by Hell Razor5543 on 10 Jul 2014, 21:43, edited 2 times in total.
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Fake Concern
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Fake Concern »

Hell Razor5543 wrote:
Fake Concern wrote:Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath…. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
Erm, I got there first (page 19)!
Oh well!
Hell Razor5543
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

Fake Concern wrote:
Hell Razor5543 wrote:
Fake Concern wrote:Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath…. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
Erm, I got there first (page 19)!
Oh well!
Don't stress over it. I can't remember when I have posted jokes myself. Check out page 19 and 25. :oops: :oops: :oops:
Hell Razor5543
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

A new Indian curry house has an unusual item on the menu; Chicken Tarka Masala. I asked them what it was, and the replay was "You know Chicken Tikka Masala? Well, it is like that, but a little 'otter!"
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by CitroJim »

Hell Razor5543 wrote:A new Indian curry house has an unusual item on the menu; Chicken Tarka Masala. I asked them what it was, and the replay was "You know Chicken Tikka Masala? Well, it is like that, but a little 'otter!"
Yes, OK James :lol:
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

When Sid the milkman retired, his last day at work was memorable. As well as all the well wishes and presents from his colleagues, he received similar from his customers (he was a popular man). It took him far longer to complete his round than normal, but nobody minded, they all understood.

The last call on his round was the Joneses. Mr Jones was a sod, considering tradesmen as scum, and not worth the time of day. Mrs Jones, however, was a lovely person, both to look at and to deal with. When Sid knocked at the door she opened the door wearing a nightie that left nothing to the imagination. She invited him upstairs, where they spent a highly enjoyable hour. She then took him down to the kitchen, sat him down and made him a truly sumptuous breakfast. As he was tucking in she then put a pound coin in his pocket.

"I am not complaining" said Sid "but why are you doing all this for me?"

"Well, I asked my husband as he left for work what we should do as a retirement present for you. 'F**k him, give him a quid' was his response" replied Mrs Jones. "Breakfast was my idea" she added.
Last edited by Hell Razor5543 on 18 Jul 2014, 05:39, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by peterorl »

Q: What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?

A: A sweater with big pockets.
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by BX »

Q: What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?

A: A sweater with big pockets
Great! And I always thought you got a woolly jumper.
Well you live and learn.
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Post by addo »

Not a joke per se, but typing "crack pipe" into Gumtree brings up a mind-boggling array of adverts which show a keyword match...

I started doing this sort of search to try influencing the sidebar adverts on other websites.
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by ragger »

How many ants does it take to fill an apartment?



10 (groan)
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Post by addo »

One of my favourite smutty jokes:

Did you hear about the Scotsman who confused his bicarb and starch?

- He ended up with a stiff haggis and a self-raising kilt.
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by CitroJim »

Ahh but that joke has a flaw in it Adam. Bicarb needs a weak acid to activate it. Bicarb on its own will not raise anything.

So, against that background we have to assume a kilt is acidic...
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Post by addo »

:lol: True, but you belong on Slashdot's joke threads with observations of that nature.

http://science.slashdot.org/story/03/12 ... s-is-funny" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Trainman »

When I was young I decided to go to Medical School.

On the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters 'PNEIS' to form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect...
 
 

Those who answered 'spine' are doctors today, while the rest of us are sending jokes via email.