Joke I found funny...

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citronut
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by citronut »

During the recent royal wedding, the millions around the world saw that Prince William chose to wear a uniform that included the famous British "red coat."

Many people have asked, "Why did the British wear red coats in battle?"


A long time ago, Britain and France were at war.

During one battle, the French captured a British Colonel.

They took him to their headquarters and the French General began to question him.


Finally, as an afterthought, the French General asked, "Why do you British officers all wear red coats?

Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"


In his casual, matter-of-fact, way, the officer informed the General that the reason British officers wear red coats is so that if they are wounded, the blood won't show,

and the men they are leading won't panic.


And that’s why, from that day forward, all French Army officers wear brown trousers….


So – now you know .
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myglaren
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

A man received the following text from his neighbor:

“I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.”

The man, feeling anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in: “Damn autocorrect. I meant ‘wifi’, not ‘wife’.”
citronut
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by citronut »

myglaren wrote:
A man received the following text from his neighbor:

“I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.”

The man, feeling anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in: “Damn autocorrect. I meant ‘wifi’, not ‘wife’.”

:rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2:

so he promptly picked up his gun and blasted hell out of his router
addo
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Post by addo »

A cracker from the internet. Best part is, I think everyone knows someone who would respond in this way!

Ben Cohen decided to go skiing in Switzerland.
As he reached the top of the slope an avalanche started.
He was pushed into a ravine and sat there hoping that someone would find him.
The hotel, knowing he was on the mountain at the time of the avalanche, called the Red Cross who sent out a rescue party to look for him.
After wandering around looking for him for several hours and finding no trace, they started shouting. “Ben Cohen, this is the Red Cross.”
From the ravine he shouted back, “ I already gave through the office.”
lexi
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by lexi »

Cracker Adam!
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Fake Concern
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Fake Concern »

I have no interest in football, but someone posted this at work...

The England World Cup squad visited an orphanage in Brazil today .... "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope " said Juan age 7
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CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by CitroJim »

Fake Concern wrote: The England World Cup squad visited an orphanage in Brazil today .... "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope " said Juan age 7
:lol: :lol: Even sadder this morning I guess...

If there was a cup for heroic failures we'd always win it..

Still, look on the bright side. Wimbledon soon :)
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daviemck2006
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by daviemck2006 »

Na Na laddie! The cup for heroic failures belongs to Scotland:lol::lol::lol:

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk
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CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by CitroJim »

daviemck2006 wrote:Na Na laddie! The cup for heroic failures belongs to Scotland:lol::lol::lol:
Argentina 1978?

:(
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daviemck2006
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Post by daviemck2006 »

We gave it a good go beating Holland! The team song is still in my head lol.
We're on the march wi allys army
We're going to the argintine
And we'll really shake em up
When we win the world cup
Cos Scotland is i greatest fitba team.

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Trainman
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Trainman »

Given current events I thought this a tad amusing..........

Image


and then I found some other chuckle-a-longs........

Image

Image

Image
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CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by CitroJim »

Trainman wrote:Given current events I thought this a tad amusing..........

Image
And correct and accurate in a lot of cases...
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CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by CitroJim »

Why Teachers turn to drink...

The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examinations.

These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q... What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once a Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his nappy and wraps it around his head.

:|
Hell Razor5543
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

After the Emperor (in 'Return of the Jedi') was killed, the victors went off their various ways to celebrate. About a month later Han and Chewbacca met up again, and Han asked Chewwie how his holiday went, and did he like it at the health resort? The response was very loud and violently explosive. "What do you mean, it was torture?" asked Han. As Chewwie replied, Han started to grin, chuckle, and eventually ended up on the floor, convulsed in laughter. Every time he looked up at the Wookies' face, with its' hurt expression, it would set him off again. Eventually, through the gasps for breath and whoops of laughter, he was heard to say "I never would have believed I would hear of a Wookie asking for a 'Sack, Back and Crack'!".
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Fake Concern
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Fake Concern »

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath…. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis