Joke I found funny...

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Karata
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Bagpiper

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As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Apparently, I'm still lost... It's a man thing.
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Paul-R
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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Lol. I posted that joke in 2013 only I was a saxophone player then!

It's still a good one though.
As I get older I think a lot about the hereafter - I go into a room and then wonder what I'm here after.

Inside every old person is a young person wondering what the hell happened.

"Trying is the first step towards failure" ~ Homer J Simpson​
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Stickyfinger
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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Paul-R wrote: 22 Jan 2025, 23:17 Lol. I posted that joke in 2013 only I was a saxophone player then!

It's still a good one though.
Blowing your own trumpet again I see........ or was that 2003 ?
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Paul-R
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Unread post by Paul-R »

Haha, no 2013, although it wasn't on this forum. TBH, this forum is the source for most of my joke posts elsewhere.
As I get older I think a lot about the hereafter - I go into a room and then wonder what I'm here after.

Inside every old person is a young person wondering what the hell happened.

"Trying is the first step towards failure" ~ Homer J Simpson​
Karata
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Bridge

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A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "LOW BRIDGE AHEAD". Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got your truck stuck, huh?"The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."​
Steve Walsh
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced five husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married five times?”
“Well, Husband 1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband 2 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband 3 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband 4 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband 5 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was… God! I miss him!
But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!" “Good,” said the lawyer, “but why?” “You’re a lawyer!” she replies.
Spoiler: show
“This time I know I’m going to get screwed.”
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Steve Walsh
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date. "Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite."
"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. "My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers' license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
Spoiler: show
"Because you got an F in sex."🤣🤣
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Stickyfinger
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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202501274950634.jpg
Alasdair
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Paul-R
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Unread post by Paul-R »

At the risk of killing the joke completely, I don't get it.
As I get older I think a lot about the hereafter - I go into a room and then wonder what I'm here after.

Inside every old person is a young person wondering what the hell happened.

"Trying is the first step towards failure" ~ Homer J Simpson​
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CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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Paul-R wrote: 27 Jan 2025, 15:11 At the risk of killing the joke completely, I don't get it.
I believe it's saying the Starship Enterprise is in need a Diagbox session Paul...

I guess the two characters are looking for its OBD port...

Although I've never watched any of the later episodes or films, except a few very early episodes in black and white on a 405 line telly, I do know this is from Star Trek...

Likewise, I've never watched even a millisecond of Star Wars but know all the characters and the gist of the plot...
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Hell Razor5543
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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The man with the visor is Geordi La Forge, chief engineer aboard the Enterprise, while the other person is Data, an android. While they can handle engineering issues from the 24 century, 21st century engineering is so simple it baffles them!
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CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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Hell Razor5543 wrote: 27 Jan 2025, 18:26While they can handle engineering issues from the 24 century, 21st century engineering is so simple it baffles them!

Just like a lot of modern motor mechanics then. No understanding of cars from the 20th century at all :roll: :lol:

They think a choke is some sort of martial arts technique....
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Stickyfinger
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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Enterprise must have been made by Steller-ntis...the plasma drive will need some more EOLYS and a reset
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Paul-R
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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I'm fully aware of Star Trek lore (and the characters) but the drawing still means nothing to me. It doesn't look anything like an EOBD port.
As I get older I think a lot about the hereafter - I go into a room and then wonder what I'm here after.

Inside every old person is a young person wondering what the hell happened.

"Trying is the first step towards failure" ~ Homer J Simpson​
Steve Walsh
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Unread post by Steve Walsh »

Engine warning light symbol
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