Joke I found funny...

[Steve Walsh]

[Karata]

Alcohol and cigarettes have warning labels because they are addictive, dangerous, and destroy lives. And yet women are allowed to just roam around...

[Hell Razor5543]

A man is playing gold at a course he is unfamiliar with. On the outward 9 he is not sure which hole he is playing, so he asks a lady nearby. She says "I am on the seventh hole, you are one hole behind me, so you are on the sixth hole". He thanks her, and carries on playing.

On the back 9 he gets confused again, spots the same lady, and he asks her which hole he is playing. She responds with "I am on the fifteenth hole, you are one hole behind me, so you are on the fourteenth hole". He thanks her again, and continues with his round of gold.

After he finishes his round he goes into the clubhouse for a drink, where he sees the same lady. He goes up to her, thanks her for her help, and buys drinks for her and himself. They get to talking. He asks her what she does for a living, and when she says she is in sales he smiles and says that he is also in sales. He then asks her what she sells, but she says that he would just laugh at her. He says that he will not laugh at her, so she responds that she sells tampons. That has him rolled up in laughter, and she says "I told you that you would laugh at me". He (once he gets his breath back and stops laughing) says "No, I am laughing at the circumstances. I sell toilet paper, so I am STILL one hole behind you!".

[Rp0thejester]

https://youtube.com/shorts/FR9lAawEYAU? ... yPXh2FVBtO

[Hell Razor5543]

Next time you kill somebody and bury the body make sure to then sow endangered plant species over the body. That way it is illegal for anyone to dig up the body!

[myglaren]

[mickthemaverick]

I never bury the body James:

BFTW

[mickthemaverick]

In case you are in a hurry!!

Spoiler: show

From the original above!

[myglaren]

[myglaren]

It’s finally stopped raining. Noah docks the ark and gives the animals a pep talk about multiplying and replenishing. The animals gallop off the ark. Noah makes one last walk through the ark when he hears sobbing sounds coming from a wee corner. He finds two little snakes, crying their eyes out.

“What’s wrong, little ones?” says Noah

One snake answers, “We can’t multiply! We’re adders!”

So Noah goes out and fells the largest pine tree he can find. He splits it into planks, then planes them smooth. He cuts the planks into boards and builds a picnic table. He gets the snakes and places them on the table.

He says, “There you go, little ones. With a log table, even adders can multiply!”

[Hell Razor5543]

What is 6.9?

Spoiler: show

A good thing ruined by a period!

[myglaren]

[Steve Walsh]

Bob walked into a sports bar around 5:58 PM.
He sat down next to a very attractive blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 6 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Bob said, "You know, I reckon he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said,"You're on!"
The blonde placed her money on the bar, and kept watching the scene on the TV. The guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob. "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied, "I can't take your money". I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, so I knew he would jump."

Spoiler: show

The blonde replied, "I did, too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Bob took the money.

[myglaren]

Except it is no joke!

[Hell Razor5543]

Silly putty implies the existence of serious putty.

Spoiler: show

I believe this is also known as C4.