Joke I found funny...

[myglaren]

“Barbara, you’ve done very well so far – $500,000 and one lifeline left”

Regis: “Barbara, you’ve done very well so far – $500,000 and one lifeline left — phone a friend. The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right … but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 — are you ready?”

Barbara: “Sure, I’ll have a go!”

Regis: “Which of the following birds does not build its own nest?

Is it...

A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush
Remember Barbara it's worth 1 Million dollars.”

“I think I know who it… but I’m not 100%… No, I haven’t got a clue. I’d like to phone a friend, Regis, just to be sure.

Regis: “Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

Barbara: “I’ll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham.”

(ringing)

Maggie: “Hello…”

Regis: “Hello Maggie, it's Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire - I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000 but needs your help to be a Million.

The next voice you hear will be Barbara’s and she’ll read you the question.

There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer — fire away Barbara.”

Barbara: “Maggie, which of the following birds does not build its own nest?

Is it:

A- Robin
B- Sparrow
C- Cuckoo
D- Thrush
Maggie: “Oh Gees, Barbara that’s simple… It’s a Cuckoo.”

Barbara: “You think?”

Maggie: “I’m sure.”

Barbara: ” Thanks Maggie.” (hangs up)

Regis: “Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?”

Barbara: “I want to play, I’ll go with C-Cuckoo”

Regis: “Is that your final answer?”

Barbara: “It is.”

Regis: “Are you confident?”

Barbara: “Yes fairly, Maggie’s a sound bet.”

Regis: “Barbara… you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo… you’re right! – You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara.”

(clapping)

That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks “Tell me, Maggie, How in God’s name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

Spoiler: show

Maggie: “Listen, Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock.”

[Stickyfinger]

yet it is still claimed that hay fever can't be fatal

[Hell Razor5543]

Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. However, laughing at your wifes' mistakes can shorten it!

[myglaren]

[Armidillo]

Umm - it's still funny, but we're not starting to suffer a bit of memory loss are we?

[myglaren]

More than likely.

[myglaren]

[Hell Razor5543]

When my Grandmother was 65 she started walking ten miles a day. She is now 92, and we have NO idea where she is!

[momag46]

VOTED BEST JOKE IN IRELAND

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".

[Hell Razor5543]

A little old lady goes to see her doctor. "I have a problem with wind", she says", "but it doesn't really bother me, as they don't smell or make a noise. I have, in fact, farted three times already". Her doctor gives her some tablets, telling her to come back in a week or so. When she returns she says "I don't know what was in those tablets, but my farts really stink". "Good", replies her doctor", "now that we have cleared up your sinuses it is time to sort out your hearing".

[Hell Razor5543]

Two people are talking. "What do you do with your time?" asks one. "I cook meals for the homeless, drug addicts, people who have problems with alcohol and gambling" replies the other. "Charity work?" asks the first person. "Nope. Wetherspoons" answers the other.

[Steve Walsh]

A class was given homework to find out something
exciting and tell it to the class the next day.
When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little
boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class. He
picked up a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.
Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was.
"It's a 'period'," he replied.
"I can see that," said the teacher, "but what is so exciting about a 'period'?"
"Darned if I know," said the boy,
"but yesterday my sister was missing one,
Mum fainted,
Dad had a heart attack
and the boy next door joined the Army!

[Hell Razor5543]

An elderly man goes to see his doctor. "Well, Mr. Jones, what appears to be the problem?". "I need a double dose of V1agra", replies Mr. Jones. "I am not sure I can do that", says his doctor, "as there could be serious health consequences. You will have to explain why you want this.". "Well", says Mr. Jones", "my girlfriend is popping by on Friday for a flying visit. On Saturday my Ex-wife is stopping by on a cross country trip. On Sunday my wife is back for a day before heading out on another business trip". "I see", says the doctor, "well, you will have to pop by on Monday for a check-up, to make sure you are OK.". "I am fine with that" says Mr. Jones.

On Monday Mr. Jones arrived with his arm in a sling. "What happened?", asked his doctor.

Spoiler: show

Mr. Jones answered "None of them turned up!"

EDIT; the drug mentioned has an ad removal feature, hence the 'mis-spelling'.

[myglaren]

[myglaren]

Solid advice