Joke I found funny...

[scratcher]

Wtth apologies to the Irish! Paddy was waiting with his mate when a lorry went by loaded up with rolls of turf. Paddy said"I gonna do that when I win the lottery".
" Whats that", said his mate.
" Send me lawn away to be cut!"says Paddy.

[myglaren]

Ole & Lena jokes are common to the Minneapolis/St. Paul locality.

Ole and Lena was at the kitchen table for the usual morning cup of coffee and listening to a weather report coming from the radio.

"There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. All vehicles should be parked on the odd-numbered side of the streets today to facilitate snowplows," the radio voice declared.

"Oh, gosh, OK," said Ole, getting up, bundling up and heading outside to dutifully put his car on the odd-numbered side of the street.

Two days later, Ole and Lena were at morning coffee when the radio voice said:

"There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your vehicles on the even-numbered side of the streets."

Ole got up from his coffee as before. He bundled up, shuffled off, and put his car on the even-numbered side of the street.

A few days later, the couple was at the table when the radio voice declared:

"There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the ..." Just then, the power went out.

"Park it where?" Ole asked in the dark, "What should I do?"

"Aw, to heck with them, Ole," Lena said, "Don't worry about it today. Just leave the car in the garage."

[citronut]

i spoz Adam will know this guy

A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian Coast


He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.
Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.
The Sarge says, 'Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news'.

'Well,' says the bloke, 'I guess I'd better have the bad news first?'
The Sarge says, 'I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead.
Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead.'
The bloke is naturally distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn.
But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is.
The Sarge says, 'Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized lobsters and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share.'
He hands the bloke a bag with a couple of nice lobsters and four or five crabs in it.
'Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that...
So what's the other possible good news?
'Well', the Sarge says, 'if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!

regards malcolm

[CitroJim]

Thanks Malcolm It hurts more when I laugh but it cheered me up... Thanks

[citronut]

man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead" the operator says how do you know? "the sex is the same but the ironing is building up!

[citronut]

<Bleep>

[citronut]

just got a jehova's witness advent calender,
every time you open a door someone tells you to <bleep>

[addo]

As a child, I told my mother "When I grow up, I want to be a musician".

She said "You can't have it both ways"!


And one for Malc:

Why do women wear make-up and perfume?

Because they're ugly and they stink!

For the sake of not losing my testicles, I will just reiterate, that is a joke - not a POV!

[scratcher]

As you know many of us have had brushes with the authorities on the way home from the odd soiree over the years.Well I for one have done something about it. Last night I was out with my mates and had a few too many beers and tots. Knowing full well I was way over the limit I did something I've never done before. I took a bus home. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise, since I had never driven a bus before!

[CitroJim]

The way some bus drivers around here go about demonstrating their skills behind the wheel I reckon they are doing much about the same thing...

Some of them must have enjoyed a very good evening

[HDI Dave]

Someone shared me this on bookface, had me in tears!

http://damnyouautocorrect.com/13603/the ... irst-year/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[addo]

Had me in tears, too. I had to stop reading for a while because I couldn't breathe properly from laughing so hard.

[CitroJim]

Su Wong marries Lee Wong

Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.

'Congratulations' says the nurse to the new parents.

'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him...

Are you ready for this?



















Sum Ting Wong

[Deanxm]

Sum ting wong its so bad but

D

[CitroJim]

Sum ting wong its so bad but

D

I know, I'm sorry

I'll get my coat....