Joke I found funny...

[Steve Walsh]

A small boy named Arthur lived in the local village . None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him "You are driving me crazy Arthur!!!!!"
One day Arthur's mother came into school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!!!!
The mother was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from the school & even moved to another town!!!!!
25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio disease! All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, which only one surgeon could perform...... Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful......
When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her! She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died!
The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw Arthur, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his Hoover !!!!!

Spoiler: show

Don't tell me you thought that Arthur became a f in doctor!

[myglaren]

[Rp0thejester]

[myglaren]

[Rp0thejester]

was looking for face palm but couldn't find it...

[Paul-R]

Wow. That's a real New Scientist type cartoon there.

[mickthemaverick]

This is an old one which made me laugh 50+ years ago!

During the US Masters at Augusta in the late sixties the players were all out on course playing the third round when suddenly the skies darkened considerably and they heard the distant rumble of thunder. A few moments later the hooter sounded and play was suspended for safety as the incoming electrical storm approached. All the players marked their balls and ran for cover as did the crowd and followers.

All that is except for Lee Trevino, who drew a long club from his bag and held it up vertically above his head. He then proceeded to stroll slowly down the middle of the 17th and 18th fairways until he reached the shelter of the clubhouse. The assembled throng stood and watched him walking alone, along the course, aghast at the possibilities looming before them.

Finally he arrived and the journalists gathered round saying how pleased they were that he was safe. He smiled at them and glanced around the crowd, "There was no need to worry at all" he said,

Spoiler: show

"even He can't hit a one iron!"

[myglaren]

A 10-year-old girl asks her mum, “Mummy, how was I born?”

The mother smiled and replied:

“Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth & I took care of it every single day.

After a while, the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, it turned into a beautiful healthy plant.










So we took the plant, dried it, rolled it up, smoked it, and got so high that we forgot to wear a condom.

[Karata]

So this guy lost his right foot in an accident. Lucky for him, he got a great prosthetic, so nobody knew he was wearing a prosthetic foot.

Some years later he met a girl, but didn’t tell her about his ‘disability’. They got married and on the wedding night, he took off his prosthetic foot to show his new bride. Horrified, she called her mom. “Mom, you wouldn’t believe it. He’s only got one foot!”

The mom yelled back, “Dammit child, be grateful! Your dad ain’t even six inches!”

[admiral51]

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do
you determine whether or not an older person
should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer
a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person
to empty the bathtub.
"Oh, I understand, I said. "A normal person would
use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon
or the teacup.
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the
plug. Do you want a bed near the window

[Steve Walsh]

A man walks into a watering hole with a large box and takes a seat at the bar. The bartender, curious, asks, “What’s in the box?”
The man says, “I’ll show you if you get me a free beer.”
So the bartender gets the man a beer. The man drinks it, then pulls out a minuscule little man and a matching piano. The little man promptly starts playing the little piano.
“Hey, that’s pretty cool,” the bartender says. “Where did you get that?”
The man says, “I’ll tell you if you get me another beer.”
So the bartender gets the man another beer. The man drinks it. “I got it from a genie in a lamp,” he finally reveals.
Fully invested now, the bartender says, “If you let me borrow that lamp, I’ll give you another beer.”
“Sure!” the man answers. The bartender gets him another beer, and the man hands the bartender the lamp.
The bartender rubs the lamp and sure enough, a genie pops out.
“You are now my master,” the genie announces. “I will grant you one wish. What will it be?”
The bartender immediately says, “I wish for a million bucks!”
All of a sudden, a million ducks start flying into the room.
“What the heck is this!” screams the bartender, attempting to chase them out. “I wished for a million bucks, not a million ducks!”
The man, still sitting at the bar, responds

Spoiler: show

, “Do you really think I wished for a 12-inch pianist?”

[Gibbo2286]

Mary was thrilled to get engaged but she found her man had a penis like an icicle, so she broke it off.

[Steve Walsh]

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year and so we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me, it was her beautiful younger sister:
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her “little” sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock and couldn’t say a word.
She said. "I’m going upstairs to my bedroom and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.
I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law to be hugged me and said. "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

Spoiler: show

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car...

[Rp0thejester]

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMNy1cuLP/?k=1

[Karata]

As the patient recovers from laser eye surgery, the surgeon comes in and asks if he wants the good news or the bad news first.
The patient excitedly asks for the good news.
The surgeon says, "Well, you are about to get a new dog".