Joke I found funny...

[Hell Razor5543]

We definitely need a groan button for this thread!

We do have this!

[myglaren]

#6,409

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around and then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off. But occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something that she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure, they decided to just continue watching her.

After a couple of weeks the wife said, 'Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?' He hadn't and said so.

Then she said, 'Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing.'

Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.

The man then walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well, is she selling drugs?' she asked excitedly. 'No, she's not,' he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

'Well, what is it then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked. The man grinned and said, 'She's a battery salesperson.'

'Batteries?' cried the wife.

'Yes!' he replied. 'She Sells C Cells by the Seashore!'

[mickthemaverick]

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a
restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and
dancing.

Spoiler: show

She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'

[mickthemaverick]

Is this the new car exclusively for Yorkshire?:

Spoiler: show

Volkswagen E-UP!

[Hell Razor5543]

Is this the new car exclusively for Yorkshire?:

Spoiler: show

Are you aware of the fact that Robert Mugabe claimed to be of Yorkshire descent? He said he had clear proof of this;

Spoiler: show

Just say his name backwards. E Ba Gum!

[myglaren]

[momag46]

Well spotted

[myglaren]

Just seen this on autoshite, should have gone in the 'Counties' thread but too late.

[myglaren]

Not a joke as such but very amusing

Teacher Collects All The Weird And Funny Things That Kids Say When Their Parents Aren’t Around

Just one example.

[Rp0thejester]

have you been listening to my Mrs!!!

[mickthemaverick]

Teacher was trying to get her youngsters to think for themselves so she asked them "If you could take anything home to mum and dad what would you choose?" She worked her way round the class getting answers such as a steak pie, a new TV, a red cushion until she got to little Johnny who's reply was "Nothing" She challenged him on that saying "Surely there must be something you need?" "No" he replied

Spoiler: show

"My sister came home from school yesterday and told us she was pregnant and my Dad said thats all we flipping need!"

[Gibbo2286]

I like puns about eyes the cornea the better.

[Paul-R]

Her jokes were
Like her eyes
Blue as the sea
Only cornea.

[mickthemaverick]

A chap on a business trip to Amsterdam picked up a one eyed prostitute and took her back to his hotel. After 20 minutes trying without success he said that he just wasn't getting any feeling because she was too loose. She winked at him and popped out her glass eye saying "Try it in there!" He did and had a fantastic time. When he was tired out he got dressed and settled up with her. "That was fantastic I hope I'll run into you again" he said. Caressing the cash in her hand she replied

Spoiler: show

"Yes that would be lovely, I'll keep an eye out for you!!"

[myglaren]

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think!

Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."