Joke I found funny...

This is the place for posts that don't fit into any other category.

Moderator: RichardW

Post Reply
Steve Walsh
Donor 2023
Posts: 448
Joined: 25 Oct 2019, 07:20
Location: SW France
My Cars: C5 Aircross 2021 VR7**************[VIN obfuscated, can be read by forum staff]**************[VIN obfuscated, can be read by forum staff]
Kawasaki ZR1100 1994
C4 Hatchback
Yamaha XVS650A 2001
x 361

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Steve Walsh »

262046652_4714440671912773_950703378133018673_n.jpg
Thanx to Marc and all the admins & knowledgeable people that make this the best forum on the interweb. =D> =D> =D>
User avatar
myglaren
Forum Admin Team
Posts: 25366
Joined: 02 Mar 2008, 13:30
Location: Washington
My Cars: Mazda 6
Ooops.
Previously:
2009 Honda Civic :(
C5, C5, Xantia, BX, GS, Visa.
R4, R11TXE, R14, R30TX
x 4888

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

5vsijf.jpg
User avatar
GiveMeABreak
Forum Admin Team
Posts: 37005
Joined: 15 Sep 2015, 19:38
Location: West Wales
My Cars: C3 Aircross SUV HDi Flair Peperoncino Red (The Chili Hornet)
C5 X7 2.0 HDi Exclusive Mativoire Beige (The Golden Hornet)
C3 1.6 HDi Exclusive Aluminium Grey (The Silver Hornet)
C5 MK II 2.0 HDi Exclusive Obsidian Black
C5 MK I 2.0 HDi SX Wicked Red
Xantia S2 2.0 HDi SX Hermes Red
C15 Romahome White
XM 2.0 Turbo Prestige Emerald Green Pearlescent
XM 2.0 Turbo Prestige Polar White
XM 2.0 SX Polar White
CX 20 Polar White
GS 1220 Geranium Red
CX 2.4 Prestige C-Matic Nevada Beige
GS 1000 Cedreat Yellow
x 5646

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by GiveMeABreak »

Just watched the latest Bond movie...

Now we know why Daniel Craig has got grey hair in the film...

...No Time to Dye
Please Don't PM Me For Technical Help

Marc
Karata
Posts: 85
Joined: 29 Oct 2016, 10:56
Location: Bulgaria
My Cars: Xantia (1) V6
x 105

Vaccinated

Post by Karata »

My girlfriend got vaccinated yesterday.
Now she won't hold any air.
User avatar
myglaren
Forum Admin Team
Posts: 25366
Joined: 02 Mar 2008, 13:30
Location: Washington
My Cars: Mazda 6
Ooops.
Previously:
2009 Honda Civic :(
C5, C5, Xantia, BX, GS, Visa.
R4, R11TXE, R14, R30TX
x 4888

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

1639158026064.png
Steve Walsh
Donor 2023
Posts: 448
Joined: 25 Oct 2019, 07:20
Location: SW France
My Cars: C5 Aircross 2021 VR7**************[VIN obfuscated, can be read by forum staff]**************[VIN obfuscated, can be read by forum staff]
Kawasaki ZR1100 1994
C4 Hatchback
Yamaha XVS650A 2001
x 361

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Steve Walsh »

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said,"Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them.. Thanks for telling me officer."
Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it? So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his "thingie" through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

Spoiler: show
The little old lady responded, "Not everybody pays."
Thanx to Marc and all the admins & knowledgeable people that make this the best forum on the interweb. =D> =D> =D>
Hell Razor5543
Donor 2023
Posts: 13727
Joined: 01 Apr 2012, 09:47
Location: Reading
My Cars: C5 Mk2 VTX+ estate.
x 2993

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

Apparently Charles Dickens was a journalist before he became an author. There were two newspapers he really enjoyed working for.
Spoiler: show
It was the Bicester Times; it was the Worcester Times.
James
ex BX 1.9
ex Xantia 2.0HDi SX
ex Xantia 2.0HDi LX
Ex C5 2.0HDi VTR
Ex C5 2.0HDi VTR

C5 2.2HDi VTX+
Yes, I am paranoid, but am I paranoid ENOUGH?
Out amongst the stars, looking for a world of my own!
Peter.N.
Moderating Team
Posts: 11563
Joined: 02 Apr 2005, 16:11
Location: Charmouth,Dorset
My Cars: Currently:

C5 X7 VTR + Satnav Hdi estate Silver
C5 X7 VTR + Hdi Estate 2008 Red

In the past: 3, CX td Safaris and about 7, XM td estates. Lovely cars.
x 1199

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Peter.N. »

:-D

Peter
User avatar
myglaren
Forum Admin Team
Posts: 25366
Joined: 02 Mar 2008, 13:30
Location: Washington
My Cars: Mazda 6
Ooops.
Previously:
2009 Honda Civic :(
C5, C5, Xantia, BX, GS, Visa.
R4, R11TXE, R14, R30TX
x 4888

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

If a man makes a comment deep in a forest and there are no women to hear him, is he still wrong?
Steve Walsh
Donor 2023
Posts: 448
Joined: 25 Oct 2019, 07:20
Location: SW France
My Cars: C5 Aircross 2021 VR7**************[VIN obfuscated, can be read by forum staff]**************[VIN obfuscated, can be read by forum staff]
Kawasaki ZR1100 1994
C4 Hatchback
Yamaha XVS650A 2001
x 361

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Steve Walsh »

A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Humm, buffalo come".
The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"


And the Indian replies,
Spoiler: show
"Ear sticky"
Thanx to Marc and all the admins & knowledgeable people that make this the best forum on the interweb. =D> =D> =D>
Steve Walsh
Donor 2023
Posts: 448
Joined: 25 Oct 2019, 07:20
Location: SW France
My Cars: C5 Aircross 2021 VR7**************[VIN obfuscated, can be read by forum staff]**************[VIN obfuscated, can be read by forum staff]
Kawasaki ZR1100 1994
C4 Hatchback
Yamaha XVS650A 2001
x 361

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Steve Walsh »

Twas the night before Christmas – Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks
I have a good mind to scrap the whole bloody works.
…I’ve busted my arse for damn near a year,
Instead of “Thanks Santa” – what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night
The elves want more money – The reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS
And just when I thought that things would get better
That arsehole the tax man, sent me a letter
He claims I owe taxes – now I find that so funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Clause any money?
And the kids these days – they all are the pits
They want the impossible …Those mean little s**t
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds Assembling dolls…Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo’s – No request for them
They want computers and robots…they think I’m IBM!
Flying through the air…dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I’m quitting this job…there’s just no enjoyment
I’ll sit on my fat arse and draw unemployment
There’s no Christmas this year…now you know the reason
I found me a blonde...and off to Bali for the season!
Thanx to Marc and all the admins & knowledgeable people that make this the best forum on the interweb. =D> =D> =D>
User avatar
Paul-R
Donor 2023
Posts: 6916
Joined: 07 May 2009, 16:24
Location: Wirral, NW England; Vaucluse 84, France
Lexia Available: Yes
My Cars: 2015 1.6 Blue HDi 120 Peugeot 308 Active SW
2013 2.0 HDi 163 C5 Exclusive Tourer
2003 2.0 HDi 110 C5 Exclusive Estate (Gone)
2001 2.0 HDi 90 Xsara Estate (Gone)
x 1369

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Paul-R »

Preliminary check of the shutter mechanism on the James Webb telescope is a success.
1 image.png
As I get older I think a lot about the hereafter - I go into a room and then wonder what I'm here after.

Inside every old person is a young person wondering what the hell happened.

"Trying is the first step towards failure" ~ Homer J Simpson​
User avatar
daviemck2006
(Donor 2020)
Posts: 4989
Joined: 04 Dec 2010, 18:45
Location: Macduff
My Cars: Far too many good ones to remember. Many BL, Vauxhall, Ford, Renault, Citroen, Peugeot, and now VAG
x 487

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by daviemck2006 »

NOTICE OF MY INTENTION TO LEAVE THE GROUP!
It may or may not be disappointing to some people to know that I have decided to leave this page, I am sick and tired of the constant criticisms and remarks about things that have nothing to do with anyone else but me. I am disappointed in several members....
Okay... So I like dressing-up in rubber clothes. So what? And, my culinary tastes might seem strange to some people... but I have particular liking for cucumbers. Which brings me to the matter of my sexual preferences, which I know might seem strange to some people, but group sex with dwarfs, and pygmies is only a ‘small’ perversion compared to the other matter... And the magistrate was particularly understanding when I explained that running naked through my local park wearing crotchless fluffy underwear on my head and brandishing a dildo in each hand is an ancient pagan custom and...
Oh s**t ! Wrong group!
Please ignore all of the above.
Happy New Year 😁 hopefully 2022 will have a few more occasions and opportunities for laughter! —
Skoda Karoq 1.6tdi 2018
Citroen relay camper 2012
In the family
Seat Leon 1.5tsi tourer 2019 daughter 1
C1 vtr+ 2010 daughter 2
User avatar
Dormouse
(Donor 2022)
Posts: 2010
Joined: 15 Apr 2021, 14:32
Location: Kingdom of Fife
My Cars: Peugeot 3008 Hybrid4, Fiat Ducato, Morris Mini.
plus notable cars I have owned :- Studebaker 1921, Daimler Consorts, Mercedes 220 Pontoon, Simca 1301, Austin Metropolitan, lots and lots of Minis, both steel and fibreglass bodied, Fiat 500F, Citroen GSA's, Skoda Estelle 120 Rally replica, DKW 1000S, Triumph Herald Estate, Warwick GT (very briefly)
x 666

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Dormouse »

Look out for frostbite!
Have a Happy New Year.
Steve Walsh
Donor 2023
Posts: 448
Joined: 25 Oct 2019, 07:20
Location: SW France
My Cars: C5 Aircross 2021 VR7**************[VIN obfuscated, can be read by forum staff]**************[VIN obfuscated, can be read by forum staff]
Kawasaki ZR1100 1994
C4 Hatchback
Yamaha XVS650A 2001
x 361

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Steve Walsh »

Disaster at a soft drinks plant this morning, 10,000 liters of Lemonade spilt.

Spoiler: show
Apparently 500 staff were Schwepped away.
Thanx to Marc and all the admins & knowledgeable people that make this the best forum on the interweb. =D> =D> =D>
Post Reply