Joke I found funny...

[Karata]

A routine police patrol was parked outside a bar. The officer inside noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing...

After what seemed an eternity, in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off; it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.

At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyser test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyser equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the truly proud Redneck. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

[NewcastleFalcon]

Just occasionally even on Radio 2 you get the occasional titter.

They were reporting that IKEA had invested in a particular school, and transformed the educational results.
The only downside was that the daily morning Assembly took ages.

Regards Neil

[Gibbo2286]

I might have posted this before but.........
A high court judge visiting Africa to demonstrate the way the UK courts worked and to encourage them to follow suit, after giving lectures he left a lot of law books and case histories for them to study,
He would return in a couple of years to see how they were doing.
On his return he was invited to attend a case they had set up to show their efforts.
The case seemed to go well, judge, jury, prosecution an defence barristers all doing as expected but there was a young lady naked to the waist who periodically dashed around.
The old judge congratulated them but asked "What was the lady for?" The old chieftain took out a copy of the News of the World reporting on a divorce case and pointed out a paragraph "A titter ran round the court."

[NewcastleFalcon]

Abba making a comeback but I like their old stuff the best,

like this one, the Hertfordshire anthem

Money, Money, Money,
Must be funny
In a...

You are welcome to mentally substitute the Hertfordshire town any time you hear the song.

Regards Neil

[mickthemaverick]

I attended Rickmansworth Grammar School and the implied connection was very justified then!! However at the reorganisation of the eduction system it became simply Rickmansworth School and my son and daughter both attended it. My son followed in my footsteps and left after his O levels and my daughter stayed on for A levels followed by her admission to Exeter University to study Languages and Politics!! So now she knows how to swear in the house!!

[Hell Razor5543]

Apparently there is going to be a film about the life and times of Eddie Stobart. I have seen the trailers!

[Peter.N.]

Yes.

[myglaren]

[Hell Razor5543]

Heard on QI;

Charlie Brown (from Peanuts); Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask "Where did I go wrong?". Then a voice says to me "This is going to take more than one night".

[Gibbo2286]

Heard about the social climber, changed his name from Woodcock to Oakhampton.

[Karata]

When I was young I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School.
One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when it is erect.
Those who answered SPINE are doctors today.

[Karata]

A tourist was visiting a small village in Newfoundland.
He approached a local person and asked, "What's the quickest way to Marystown?"
The local, scratched his head, "Are ya walkin' er drivin'?" he asked the stranger.
"I'm driving," answered the stranger.
"Good! That's the quickest way."

[Gibbo2286]

Maybe we should have a go at misquotes, one of my favourites was "Patience is a virgin."

[Steve Walsh]

[myglaren]