Joke I found funny...

[myglaren]

[myglaren]

[Huskyxantia]

. A wife sent her husband a romantic text message… She wrote: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.” Her husband texted back: “I’m on the toilet, please advise.”

[Huskyxantia]

I was at a sophisticated dinner party the other day… when I farted loudly. One of the guests was appalled and said indignantly, “How dare you fart in front of my wife!” I said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was her turn next

[mickthemaverick]

I'm not too keen on toilet humour in general but this one did make me smile:

Two old men of the road, Nobby and Ned, were walking down the lane when Ned stopped, sniffed the air and turned to Nobby and asked "Have you soiled yourself Nobby?" "No I have not!" came the indignant reply. They strolled on. A few minutes later Ned stopped again sniffing, "Are you sure you haven't soiled yourself?" "NO! I told you" They strolled on again. After another few minutes Ned stopped and turned to Nobby "Nobby , I don't believe you, get them trousers off and prove it!!" Nobby obliged pulling down his jeans. A large log rolled out!! "There you are!! I told you you had soiled yourself!!" Cried Ned. Nobby looked at him in exasperation and yelled

Spoiler: show

"I thought you meant today!!"

[Huskyxantia]

Above

[Huskyxantia]

A pirate walks into the doctor’s office:

Pirate: Doc, you got to help, me ship’s steering wheel got stuck to me crotch.

Doctor: So, what’s the problem?

Pirate: Doc… it’s driving me nuts!

[Paul-R]

Late January 2021, Washington DC

One sunny day in late January 2021 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Trump." The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr Trump is no longer President and no longer resides here." The old man said, "Okay", and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Trump." The Marine repeated, "Sir, as I told you yesterday, Mr Trump is no longer President and no longer resides here." The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the old man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying again, "I would like to go in and meet with President Trump." The Marine, understandably irritated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you've been here asking to speak to Trump. I've told you each time that he's no longer the President and no longer resides here. Don't you get it?" The old man looked at the Marine and said,

"Oh, I understand, I just love hearing it."
The Marine snapped to attention and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir."

[Steve Walsh]

[Hell Razor5543]

A friend of mine decided to try out rallying. Because it has four wheel drive he got a Suzuki Jimny, despite being advised it was not suitable. On his first rally through a twist section he did a Scandinavian Flick followed immediately by a Swiss Roll.

[CitroJim]

What's the difference between the Channel Tunnel and the M4?
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One goes underneath and the other goes over Neath...

I'll get my coat...

[Hell Razor5543]

What's the difference between the Channel Tunnel and the M4?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
One goes underneath and the other goes over Neath...

I'll get my coat...

Nearly, Jim, nearly. Looking at a map your punchline should read;

One goes underneath and the other goes under Neath.

[CitroJim]

Nearly, Jim, nearly. Looking at a map your punchline should read;

One goes underneath and the other goes under Neath.

Remember I'm ex-Government James and in our world near enough is good enough

[mickthemaverick]

Remember I'm ex-Government James and in our world near enough is good enough

As the Dalek said, climbing off the dustbin!

[CitroJim]

Remember I'm ex-Government James and in our world near enough is good enough

As the Dalek said, climbing off the dustbin!