Joke I found funny...

[mickthemaverick]

I puzzled over that for ages noticing only the spelling and the impossible equation but I didn't get it.. then I recognised Dave!!

[mickthemaverick]

received from my daughter

[NewcastleFalcon]

As unlikely as it may seem, two astrophysicists are travelling through the further reaches of the known universe when a miscalculation pulls them into a black hole.

In a desperate attempt to get out alive, the first scientist goes into a frenzy of punching co-ordinates into the spaceship’s faster-than-light drive. Meanwhile the second scientist remains calm and carries on making notes.

The first scientist, still working at a feverish pace, says: “What are you doing? We’re about to be sucked into a black hole!”

Replies the second: “I know. Noteworthy, isn’t it?”

Spoiler: show

To which the first replies: “Do you know what, Professor Jenkins? I’m starting to think that you are not appreciating the gravity of the situation.”

Regards Neil

[CitroJim]

^^^ Neil, that's awesome

[NewcastleFalcon]

The old engineering/science humour seems to be going well so try this one, more observational than belly laugh.

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 59 and 60 degrees north latitude and between 107 and 108 degrees west longitude.”

“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.

“I am,” replied the woman, “How did you know?”

Spoiler: show

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been
much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”

The woman below responded, “You must be in Management.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

Spoiler: show

“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”

Regards Neil

[mickthemaverick]

I'll risk this as it's a bank holiday

Sharon volunteered to undertake a top secret mission in a space vehicle. She was told to board the capsule and sit in the centre seat where she would meet her colleagues on either side. As she settled into her seat she noticed that her colleagues were both very hairy chaps with smiley faces. In front of each of them were envelopes labelled your secret orders. The pilot on the left of her opened his envelope and read out his orders;
Check inline fuel pressure
Check tank temperature
Check fin alignment
Check boost control valve sequencing
Check thrust temperature
Check burn control valve
Check capsule release circuits
Check oxygen supply valves
Check waste disposal decontamination
Check hydro thermal desalination condenser
Fire rocket

Then the navigator to the right opened his envelope and read his orders:
Check fin rest angle
Check vertical displacement offset angle
Check free movement on all compasses
Check horizontal attitude stabilizers
Check all direction control thrusters
Check programmed orbit co-ordinates
Check final descent position
Check orbit aquisition velocity stabiliser
Check communications internal
Check radio comms external

Considerably worried Sharon opened her orders:

Spoiler: show

Feed the monkeys!

[Huskyxantia]

An iPhone and a firework were arrested on New Years Eve. One was charged and the other was let off

Better new year everyone.. Happy seems a bit wrong considering the obvious.

[Huskyxantia]

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up for a date but she'd popped her clogs.

[myglaren]

I'll risk this as it's a bank holiday

Sharon volunteered to undertake a top secret mission in a space vehicle. She was told to board the capsule and sit in the centre seat where she would meet her colleagues on either side. As she settled into her seat she noticed that her colleagues were both very hairy chaps with smiley faces. In front of each of them were envelopes labelled your secret orders. The pilot on the left of her opened his envelope and read out his orders;
Check inline fuel pressure
Check tank temperature
Check fin alignment
Check boost control valve sequencing
Check thrust temperature
Check burn control valve
Check capsule release circuits
Check oxygen supply valves
Check waste disposal decontamination
Check hydro thermal desalination condenser
Fire rocket

Then the navigator to the right opened his envelope and read his orders:
Check fin rest angle
Check vertical displacement offset angle
Check free movement on all compasses
Check horizontal attitude stabilizers
Check all direction control thrusters
Check programmed orbit co-ordinates
Check final descent position
Check orbit aquisition velocity stabiliser
Check communications internal
Check radio comms external

Considerably worried Sharon opened her orders:

Spoiler: show

Feed the monkeys!

[CitroJim]

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up for a date but she'd popped her clogs.

That's terrible... I guess you felt a bit deflated....

[mickthemaverick]

I went to see the Doctor because I was worried about losing control of my senses. He put me on a staple diet and told me to go home and pull myself together!!

[Huskyxantia]

above

[CitroJim]

I've become addicted to brake fluid after working on Daffodil's brakes so intensively these past few days...

It's OK though, I can stop at any time...

[mickthemaverick]

I went to see the optician because I was worried about my eyesight deteriorating. "What is the difficulty you are having?" he asked. "I simply can't see as far as I used to!" I said. He took me out into the back yard and pointed up into the sky. "What's that?" He asked. "Well it's the sun" I said puzzled.

Spoiler: show

"Well how far do you want to see?"

[Huskyxantia]

A friend of mine had a hobby ..collecting Very very deep holes, to be honest I couldn't see anything in it myself......