Joke I found funny...

This is the place for posts that don't fit into any other category.

Moderator: RichardW

User avatar
myglaren
Forum Admin Team
Posts: 20178
Joined: 02 Mar 2008, 14:30
x 1627

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

f82a0a9e02b879b0d6937b57b306a045.jpg
User avatar
myglaren
Forum Admin Team
Posts: 20178
Joined: 02 Mar 2008, 14:30
x 1627

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

A man starts a new job at the zoo and is given three tasks to start with.

First is to clear the exotic fish pond of weeds. As he does this, a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show the others who is boss he beats it to death with a spade.
Realizing his employer won't be best pleased, he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, since lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps that pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade, killing them both.
What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything. He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job, which is to collect honey from the South American Bees. As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and throws them in with the lions.








Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion and says, "What's the food like here?" The old lion says "Absolutely brilliant.
Today we had fish and chimps with mushy bees."
User avatar
white exec
Moderating Team
Posts: 7228
Joined: 21 Dec 2015, 13:46
x 1386

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by white exec »

Wonderful, and truly horrible at the same time... :gt:
Peter.N.
Donor 2020
Posts: 10753
Joined: 02 Apr 2005, 16:11
x 551

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Peter.N. »

Milton Jones 'My grandad went down to the local school, stormed into the classroom and said " if it wasn't for me you would all be speaking German" Yes, said the German teacher.

Peter
steveinfrance
Posts: 2
Joined: 30 May 2018, 13:04

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by steveinfrance »

Fish and chimps and mushy bees.......... Hilarious ! I'm stealing it !
User avatar
myglaren
Forum Admin Team
Posts: 20178
Joined: 02 Mar 2008, 14:30
x 1627

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

34b06dbef13e3cd5bdc3415b297ac5f8.jpg
Peter.N.
Donor 2020
Posts: 10753
Joined: 02 Apr 2005, 16:11
x 551

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Peter.N. »

I like that.

Peter
User avatar
mickthemaverick
Donor 2021
Posts: 7042
Joined: 11 May 2019, 17:56
x 1978

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by mickthemaverick »

Another Milton Jones gem: "My grandfather had 5 brothers who all followed their father into the police marksman profession. In defiance my grandfather set about robbing banks, sadly I heard this morning that he died last night, surrounded by his family!!"
Peter.N.
Donor 2020
Posts: 10753
Joined: 02 Apr 2005, 16:11
x 551

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Peter.N. »

Yes, :-D

Peter
User avatar
myglaren
Forum Admin Team
Posts: 20178
Joined: 02 Mar 2008, 14:30
x 1627

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

China.jpg
1594906302776.png
Peter.N.
Donor 2020
Posts: 10753
Joined: 02 Apr 2005, 16:11
x 551

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Peter.N. »

Another Milton Jones

His grandfather goes into a school classroom and says 'if it wasn't for me you would all be speaking German' Yes, said the German teacher.

Did I put this on before? :?

Peter
User avatar
mickthemaverick
Donor 2021
Posts: 7042
Joined: 11 May 2019, 17:56
x 1978

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by mickthemaverick »

Afraid so Peter, which is why I headed mine another MJ gem :-D
Peter.N.
Donor 2020
Posts: 10753
Joined: 02 Apr 2005, 16:11
x 551

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Peter.N. »

Oh dear, I wonder how much longer I'm going to be able to repair my cars for. :? :? :( :oops:
crapday69
Donor 2017
Posts: 278
Joined: 31 Oct 2017, 16:52
x 55

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by crapday69 »

I had sex in a lift. It was So wrong on many levels.
User avatar
mickthemaverick
Donor 2021
Posts: 7042
Joined: 11 May 2019, 17:56
x 1978

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by mickthemaverick »

crapday69 wrote:
19 Jul 2020, 00:41
I had sex in a lift. It was So wrong on many levels.
Interesting play with words here, I thought that should have read :

I had sex in a lift. It was wrong on So many levels! :?: :-D