Joke I found funny...

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Gibbo2286
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Gibbo2286 »

Quack doctor caught doing illegal circumcisions...................... after a tip off.
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myglaren
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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mickthemaverick
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by mickthemaverick »

Some simple truths:

SIMPLE TRUTH 1
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Simple Truth: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, "Congrats".
But, none of them touch the man's dick and say, "Good job".
Simple Truth: Some members of a team are never appreciated.

FIVE Other Simple Truths:
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.

2.. Forgive your enemy, but remember the asshole's name.

3.. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

4.. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5.. Alcohol does not solve any problems but then neither does milk.

Bonus Truth: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex.
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.
andy5
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by andy5 »

Seen elsewhere - if Cummings lives in an agricultural building, does that mean we have a stable government?
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myglaren
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

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doctle
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by doctle »

i found this amusing

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white exec
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by white exec »

Lovely. I like it. :roll:
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mickthemaverick
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by mickthemaverick »

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears. 'What's wrong?' asked the mother. 'I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out,' replied the daughter.

The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago
About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. 'Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet ! came out.' Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears. 'It's okay' said the Mom, 'I know what happened You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out.'

'No,' said the boy, 'I was playing with myself and I've shot the dog.'
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myglaren
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

During the war, he was having dinner with the Roosevelts. Eleanor asked if he would like some more chicken and he replied he would like some more breast. Eleanor mildly chided that’ “In this country Mr. Churchill we call it white meat.”

The next day she received a brooch from Churchill with a note that said. “I would be honoured if you would pin this to your white meat.”
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

I was at a client site today to replace a faulty printer. Nearby (because they hadn't opened yet) the staff were having a team meeting. At one point somebody said they had problems choosing a password for a certain application, as it required eight characters. Without really thinking about it I said "Why not use Snow White and the Seven Dwarves? That's eight characters". The team leader had a REALLY infectious laugh, and the meeting went on hold for a few minutes.
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myglaren
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

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Re: Joke I found funny...

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Gibbo2286
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Gibbo2286 »

Not a joke but a comment from my old friend.

I asked f there was anything she needed, her reply "Sixpen'orth of god help me."
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myglaren
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

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doctle
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Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by doctle »

A friend called in with his new girlfriend this evening. When she went to the bathroom he asked me if I thought she was hot. I said I dunno but I'll open the window if she is