Joke I found funny...

This is the place for posts that don't fit into any other category.

Moderator: RichardW

Hell Razor5543
Donor 2021
Posts: 11869
Joined: 01 Apr 2012, 09:47
x 1464

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

I have over 400 pages of jokes (OK, terror!) to inflict upon you, and some of the jokes are worse than my own!

Oh, dear. I just remembered something. I was given, for Christmas, "The Giant Book Of Jokes". Another 2,000 jokes are available for me to look up.

Be afraid. Be VERY afraid!
Last edited by Hell Razor5543 on 15 Apr 2020, 07:55, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
mickthemaverick
Donor 2021
Posts: 7042
Joined: 11 May 2019, 17:56
x 1978

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by mickthemaverick »

********
User avatar
CitroJim
A very naughty boy
Posts: 43889
Joined: 30 Apr 2005, 23:33
x 1780

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by CitroJim »

Hell Razor5543 wrote:
15 Apr 2020, 07:51
Be afraid. Be VERY afraid!

James, I've only just come back on the forum... Are you trying to drive me away again? :evil: :twisted: :lol: :lol:
Hell Razor5543
Donor 2021
Posts: 11869
Joined: 01 Apr 2012, 09:47
x 1464

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

Jim, NO chance! I am just trying (yes, I know, I am VERY trying) to help cheer people up.
User avatar
CitroJim
A very naughty boy
Posts: 43889
Joined: 30 Apr 2005, 23:33
x 1780

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by CitroJim »

Hell Razor5543 wrote:
15 Apr 2020, 07:58
Jim, NO chance! I am just trying (yes, I know, I am VERY trying) to help cheer people up.
And you are succeeding James :-D Keep it up!
Online
User avatar
myglaren
Forum Admin Team
Posts: 20178
Joined: 02 Mar 2008, 14:30
x 1627

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

Screen Shot 2020-04-09 at 7.36.41 AM (2).jpg
Online
User avatar
Paul-R
Donor 2020
Posts: 5369
Joined: 07 May 2009, 16:24
x 777

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Paul-R »

Pfah! Lightweights. And now Page 87:

Two mathematicians had been struggling to work out the height of a long pole leaning against a wall. Eventually an engineer came by and offered to help. He took hold of the pole, laid it on the ground and measured it with a tape.
"Typical engineer", said one of the mathematicians. "We wanted the height and he gave us the length!"

What did the Dalek who worked in a beauty parlour say?
EX-FOL-I-ATE!
EX-FOL-I-ATE!

God and Satan are in dispute about the boundary between heaven and hell. Eventually God threatens to take Satan to court.
"Good luck on that," says Satan "and where are you going to find a lawyer?"
User avatar
mickthemaverick
Donor 2021
Posts: 7042
Joined: 11 May 2019, 17:56
x 1978

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by mickthemaverick »

:rofl2: That's getting better!!
User avatar
mickthemaverick
Donor 2021
Posts: 7042
Joined: 11 May 2019, 17:56
x 1978

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by mickthemaverick »

Since SWMBO returned from Australia, our consumption of toilet paper has quadrupled!! How do I know you ask?
Spoiler: show
I do the laundry
!
Online
User avatar
Paul-R
Donor 2020
Posts: 5369
Joined: 07 May 2009, 16:24
x 777

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Paul-R »

I don't understand that and maybe I don't want to! :rofl2:
Hell Razor5543
Donor 2021
Posts: 11869
Joined: 01 Apr 2012, 09:47
x 1464

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by Hell Razor5543 »

What did the Dalek who converted to Catholicism say?
"Excommunicate! Excommunicate!"

The defendant stood up in the dock and said "I don't recognise this court". "Why not?" barked the Judge. "Because it has been decorated since I was last here", came the reply.

The defendants' barrister asked "Madam, can you tell the court just why you stabbed your husband 93 times?". "Oh yes "replied the defendant "I couldn't turn off the electric carving knife".

Halfway through a long summing up a Barrister stopped and said "My Lord, I object. One of the jury has gone to sleep". The Judge replied "You put him to sleep, you wake him up".

How many police officers does it take to break an egg. None; it fell down the stairs by itself.
Last edited by Hell Razor5543 on 15 Apr 2020, 15:02, edited 1 time in total.
Online
User avatar
myglaren
Forum Admin Team
Posts: 20178
Joined: 02 Mar 2008, 14:30
x 1627

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

FB_IMG_1585579036770.jpg
User avatar
mickthemaverick
Donor 2021
Posts: 7042
Joined: 11 May 2019, 17:56
x 1978

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by mickthemaverick »

I was driving this morning when I saw a parked RAC van.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.
Online
User avatar
myglaren
Forum Admin Team
Posts: 20178
Joined: 02 Mar 2008, 14:30
x 1627

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

BREAKING NEWS:
Two people found sunbathing in Scotland today have tested positive for hypothermia.
Online
User avatar
myglaren
Forum Admin Team
Posts: 20178
Joined: 02 Mar 2008, 14:30
x 1627

Re: Joke I found funny...

Post by myglaren »

1587285352387.png