I have over 400 pages of jokes (OK, terror!) to inflict upon you, and some of the jokes are worse than my own!
Oh, dear. I just remembered something. I was given, for Christmas, "The Giant Book Of Jokes". Another 2,000 jokes are available for me to look up.
Be afraid. Be VERY afraid!
Joke I found funny...
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Re: Joke I found funny...
Last edited by Hell Razor5543 on 15 Apr 2020, 07:55, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Joke I found funny...
********
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Re: Joke I found funny...
James, I've only just come back on the forum... Are you trying to drive me away again?




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Re: Joke I found funny...
Jim, NO chance! I am just trying (yes, I know, I am VERY trying) to help cheer people up.
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Re: Joke I found funny...
And you are succeeding JamesHell Razor5543 wrote: ↑15 Apr 2020, 07:58Jim, NO chance! I am just trying (yes, I know, I am VERY trying) to help cheer people up.

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Re: Joke I found funny...
Pfah! Lightweights. And now Page 87:
Two mathematicians had been struggling to work out the height of a long pole leaning against a wall. Eventually an engineer came by and offered to help. He took hold of the pole, laid it on the ground and measured it with a tape.
"Typical engineer", said one of the mathematicians. "We wanted the height and he gave us the length!"
What did the Dalek who worked in a beauty parlour say?
EX-FOL-I-ATE!
EX-FOL-I-ATE!
God and Satan are in dispute about the boundary between heaven and hell. Eventually God threatens to take Satan to court.
"Good luck on that," says Satan "and where are you going to find a lawyer?"
Two mathematicians had been struggling to work out the height of a long pole leaning against a wall. Eventually an engineer came by and offered to help. He took hold of the pole, laid it on the ground and measured it with a tape.
"Typical engineer", said one of the mathematicians. "We wanted the height and he gave us the length!"
What did the Dalek who worked in a beauty parlour say?
EX-FOL-I-ATE!
EX-FOL-I-ATE!
God and Satan are in dispute about the boundary between heaven and hell. Eventually God threatens to take Satan to court.
"Good luck on that," says Satan "and where are you going to find a lawyer?"
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Re: Joke I found funny...

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Re: Joke I found funny...
Since SWMBO returned from Australia, our consumption of toilet paper has quadrupled!! How do I know you ask?
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Re: Joke I found funny...
I don't understand that and maybe I don't want to! 

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Re: Joke I found funny...
What did the Dalek who converted to Catholicism say?
"Excommunicate! Excommunicate!"
The defendant stood up in the dock and said "I don't recognise this court". "Why not?" barked the Judge. "Because it has been decorated since I was last here", came the reply.
The defendants' barrister asked "Madam, can you tell the court just why you stabbed your husband 93 times?". "Oh yes "replied the defendant "I couldn't turn off the electric carving knife".
Halfway through a long summing up a Barrister stopped and said "My Lord, I object. One of the jury has gone to sleep". The Judge replied "You put him to sleep, you wake him up".
How many police officers does it take to break an egg. None; it fell down the stairs by itself.
"Excommunicate! Excommunicate!"
The defendant stood up in the dock and said "I don't recognise this court". "Why not?" barked the Judge. "Because it has been decorated since I was last here", came the reply.
The defendants' barrister asked "Madam, can you tell the court just why you stabbed your husband 93 times?". "Oh yes "replied the defendant "I couldn't turn off the electric carving knife".
Halfway through a long summing up a Barrister stopped and said "My Lord, I object. One of the jury has gone to sleep". The Judge replied "You put him to sleep, you wake him up".
How many police officers does it take to break an egg. None; it fell down the stairs by itself.
Last edited by Hell Razor5543 on 15 Apr 2020, 15:02, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Joke I found funny...
I was driving this morning when I saw a parked RAC van.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.
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Re: Joke I found funny...
BREAKING NEWS:
Two people found sunbathing in Scotland today have tested positive for hypothermia.
Two people found sunbathing in Scotland today have tested positive for hypothermia.
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