Joke I found funny...

[mickthemaverick]

Did you hear about the bigamist golfer?,, He had eighteen wives but still spent his time in the 19th Hole!!

[Paul-R]

Page 90

What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel!

First man: I had to go and work abroad for six months and wrote to my girlfriend every day.
Second man: What happened?
First man: She married the postman!

Patient: Doctor, I keep feeling flushed.
Doctor: Sounds like some sort of chain reaction.

What do you give a worn out bunny?
Hare restorer!

[Stickyfinger]

[Hell Razor5543]

Friends Jo and Kelly both had marriages that were going through a rocky patch. One day Jo said to Kelly "I am going to divorce that creep of a husband. Yesterday I saw him going into a cinema with another woman". Kelly replied "There could have been an innocent explanation. Did you try to follow them into the cinema?". "I couldn't", responded Jo, "the guy I was with had already seen the film".

Robert said to his friend Andy "I haven't said a word to my wife in 5 months". "Why not?" asked Andy. Robert replied "I don't like to interrupt her".

A man told his neighbour "A thief stole my wife's credit card. Last month he ran up a bill of a thousand pounds". "My God" said the neighbour "that is terrible! Have you contacted the Police". "No way" came the reply "He is spending a lot less than she does!".

[CitroJim]

My god....we are doomed!

Aren't we just

[mickthemaverick]

This tickled me, hopefully you can view the video!!

[Paul-R]

Time for some more - Page 89

A drummer decided to learn a proper instrument and goes to a music shop. After much deliberation he says "I'll have that red trumpet and the accordion by the wall".
The store owner says "I can sell you the fire extinguisher if you like but the radiator will have to stay".

What has eight legs and smells of pine?
A spider in a Radox bath.

Colonel: Pass me the ice cream, Private.
Private: I can't sir.
Colonel: Why not?
Private: The sergeant says it's against regulations to help other soldiers to dessert.

[mickthemaverick]

When you posted from page 90 I thought "at least this won't be so bad if he's read 89 pages before finding a joke worth posting, it shouldn't be long before he gets to the end!" I didn't realise you were reading it backwards!!

[Paul-R]

I'm not. I started in the middle!

[Hell Razor5543]

What is the difference between a cello and a chainsaw? The grip.

What is the difference between a cello and a viola? The cello takes longer to burn.

How can you tell is a cello is out of tune? The bow is moving.

What is the definition of a gentleman? A person who know how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

What is 50 Cent known as in Zimbabwe? 80 million dollars.

What do you call a beautiful girl on a trombonists' arm? A tattoo.

What is the difference between a soprano and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What is an accordion useful for? Learning how to fold a map.

What is the best way to tune a banjo? With wire cutters.

[Paul-R]

Not a music lover then?

Or - maybe you are...

[mickthemaverick]

My neighbour wound me up a treat last night....he only hammered on my front door at 2.30am!!! Luckily I was still practising my bagpipes or I'd have thumped him!!!

[bobins]

I know it's been posted before, but under the circumstances....


Q: What's the best way to listen to bagpipes ?

A: With binoculars.

[mickthemaverick]

I was waiting at the bus stop the other day when a poor old lady tripped on the kerb and knocked herself out.....at least I think she was poor, she only had £1.17 in her purse!!

[Hell Razor5543]

The sergeant major growled at the young recruit "Jenkins, I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning!". Jenkins replied "Thank you very much, sir".

Why didn't the sailors play cards? Because the captain was sitting on the deck.

Why are soldiers so tired on 1st April? Because they have just had a 31 day March.