Joke I found funny...
Moderator: RichardW
Re: Joke I found funny...
Little Hope was practicing the violin in the living room while her father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Hope's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up and yelled above the noise, "Can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!"
- myglaren
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Ooops.
Previously:
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C5, C5, Xantia, BX, GS, Visa.
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Re: Joke I found funny...
Meanwhile, what news of Mafeking?
Ladysmith is relieved. Lord Smith is exhausted.
- CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...
Jim
Runner, cyclist, time triallist, duathlete, Citroen AX fan and the CCC Citroenian 'From A to Z' Columnist...
Runner, cyclist, time triallist, duathlete, Citroen AX fan and the CCC Citroenian 'From A to Z' Columnist...
Re: Joke I found funny...
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
---
I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay.
She said she didn’t have time.
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I'm a huge fan of 50 Cent, or as he's known in Zimbabwe, "Three Hundred Million Dollars."
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
---
I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay.
She said she didn’t have time.
---
I'm a huge fan of 50 Cent, or as he's known in Zimbabwe, "Three Hundred Million Dollars."
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OnlineStickyfinger
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Re: Joke I found funny...
Alasdair
Activa, the Moose Rider
3x C5x7 Steering racks and counting
Activa, the Moose Rider
3x C5x7 Steering racks and counting
-
OnlineStickyfinger
- (Donor 2016)
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Re: Joke I found funny...
During my check-up I asked the doctor...
"Hey doc, do ya think I'll live long and have a healthy New Year?"
He replied, "I seriously doubt it, Mercury is in Uranus right now."
"I don't go in for any of that astrology bullshit.", I said.
He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
---
Sick of people telling me to “calm down”...
and “release the hostages.”
"Hey doc, do ya think I'll live long and have a healthy New Year?"
He replied, "I seriously doubt it, Mercury is in Uranus right now."
"I don't go in for any of that astrology bullshit.", I said.
He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
---
Sick of people telling me to “calm down”...
and “release the hostages.”
-
Online
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Re: Joke I found funny...
A German family has opened up a Chinese taka away in the area. As they had good reviews I decided to try one of their meals. It was really nice, but half an hour later I was hungry for power!
James
ex BX 1.9
ex Xantia 2.0HDi SX
ex Xantia 2.0HDi LX
Ex C5 2.0HDi VTR
Ex C5 2.0HDi VTR
C5 2.2HDi VTX+
Yes, I am paranoid, but am I paranoid ENOUGH?
Out amongst the stars, looking for a world of my own!
ex BX 1.9
ex Xantia 2.0HDi SX
ex Xantia 2.0HDi LX
Ex C5 2.0HDi VTR
Ex C5 2.0HDi VTR
C5 2.2HDi VTX+
Yes, I am paranoid, but am I paranoid ENOUGH?
Out amongst the stars, looking for a world of my own!
-
OnlineStickyfinger
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Re: Joke I found funny...
Since it started snowing all my wife does is stare at the window.
If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
Alasdair
Activa, the Moose Rider
3x C5x7 Steering racks and counting
Activa, the Moose Rider
3x C5x7 Steering racks and counting
- CitroJim
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Re: Joke I found funny...
^^
Jim
Runner, cyclist, time triallist, duathlete, Citroen AX fan and the CCC Citroenian 'From A to Z' Columnist...
Runner, cyclist, time triallist, duathlete, Citroen AX fan and the CCC Citroenian 'From A to Z' Columnist...
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Re: Joke I found funny...
My wife asked me if I wanted dinner. I asked her what my options where. She said Yes or (-expletive removed-) No.
- myglaren
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Ooops.
Previously:
2009 Honda Civic :(
C5, C5, Xantia, BX, GS, Visa.
R4, R11TXE, R14, R30TX - x 4917
Re: Joke I found funny...
An old Pilot sat down in Starbucks, still wearing his old flight jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, Bristol 138s, Aircobras, the Albamarle bomber and the Argosy Transport . I've taught more than 200 people to fly and taken part in Air Shows all over the place, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, my dear, what are you?' She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'
The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: ' Are you a real pilot?'
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'
- CitroJim
- A very naughty boy
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Re: Joke I found funny...
^^^ Love it That is so funny in a beautifully subtle way...
Jim
Runner, cyclist, time triallist, duathlete, Citroen AX fan and the CCC Citroenian 'From A to Z' Columnist...
Runner, cyclist, time triallist, duathlete, Citroen AX fan and the CCC Citroenian 'From A to Z' Columnist...
- white exec
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Re: Joke I found funny...
When my husband and I arrived at our local Ford dealer to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the Service Department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the Driver's door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
'Hey,' I announced to the Fitter/Mechanic, 'it’s open!'
His reply: 'I know. I already did that side.'
We went to the Service Department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the Driver's door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
'Hey,' I announced to the Fitter/Mechanic, 'it’s open!'
His reply: 'I know. I already did that side.'
Chris
- moizeau
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Re: Joke I found funny...
A young lad, walking through a disused factory found a welders mask. Picked it up, put it on. Due to the broken glass, the light refracted in ways he'd never seen before. He was amazed and wandered round staring.
A voice came from behind him.
"Hello lad, would you like some sweets?"
"No thank you" said the lad "I don't take gifts from people I don't know"
"Very wise" said the voice "Do you know what voyeurism is?"
"No" said the lad, and continued walking round, mesmerised by the lights.
"Do you know what masturbation is? said the voice.
"No" said the lad, a little confused.
"Do you know what fornication is? said the voice.
At this point the lad had had enough with these strange questions "I'M NOT A REAL WELDER MATE"
A voice came from behind him.
"Hello lad, would you like some sweets?"
"No thank you" said the lad "I don't take gifts from people I don't know"
"Very wise" said the voice "Do you know what voyeurism is?"
"No" said the lad, and continued walking round, mesmerised by the lights.
"Do you know what masturbation is? said the voice.
"No" said the lad, a little confused.
"Do you know what fornication is? said the voice.
At this point the lad had had enough with these strange questions "I'M NOT A REAL WELDER MATE"
Pete
Notice the BX is still top the list but sadly gone
Notice the BX is still top the list but sadly gone